Well, today we picked up Jarrett's death certificate. Then met with our Lawyer about our case. My nerves are completely shot! I keep shaking and have no way of stopping it unless I drug myself. I'm losing a lot of weight these days. The day of the accident I was 122 pounds, today I'm 110...thats 12 pounds in less than a month! I have never been this thin before (at least as an adult) I read an article last night that said in a nationwide survey of parents that have lost a child Women were 80% more likely to end up either in a mental facility/ seeking  treatment than the %40 of men, and were more likely to entertain the thought of suicide...Thats no surprise to me considering that we carry that child for 9 months& usually spend more time with our children than our husbands. I'm not saying our men don't grieve , lord knows Ive watched my husband lose it a few times since the accident. I think they are just stronger than we are...our protectors, our rock....Trust me...since day one...I've considered hoarding all the meds the doctors gave me and then heading out to the cemetery with them and a bottle of wine and ending my life along side my sons grave.( I know..that's pretty bad, but my baby always depended on me so innocent and fragile, and I needed him just as much) I have even tried to convince my husband that that wasn't such a bad idea..we always tag teamed with the boys I'd take one while he'd take care of the other..why is this any different? Of course he didn't care for the idea very much at all, but hey at least I was being open and honest with him. ....