Another Day

Today was the first time I drove alone with my son since the accident. I was a nervous wreck the whole time. Jarretts favorite song came on the stereo, and I started crying. I knew I had to get a grip cause I was driving so I sucked it up and did what I needed to do. Then we stopped at the grocery store, I had to get my little one milk. I passed the SILK ( my son was allergic to dairy so he's been drinking silk since he was a baby) I started crying again. Ive never had to go to the store and not grab his milk before. My last stop was the pharmacy, the pharmacist took one look at me and there was this look of absolute pity on her face. "I am so sorry for your loss Ms. Mantanona, what an awful tragedy, we are all very sad for you" she said. Our accident and Jarrett's death has been a very publicized issue here in Abilene, people we don't even know, will stop us and want to talk about the accident. Its driving me crazy. I know they all mean well  but how am I supposed to function when everywhere we go people want to make me relive the worst day of my life? Sometimes I just feel like going up to the cemetery with a bottle of pills and a big bottle of wine and just join my son in the land of the dead I just hate this! ALL OF IT! 
The only thing that ties me here is my three year old and my husband that is also so overcome with grief that he's making himself sick. I feel so trapped in this life that I hate, with no where to run.