Friday will mark the third week since we lost our little boy. I still cant even comprehend how he died and the rest of the family was somehow spared. Jarrett was an amazing kid. We had gone through so much in his short life. He had been diagnosed with Autism and ADHD. I worked and fought for years so he could function like any other child his age and to make sure that he was given all the same opportunities. In April he had finally finished his last Behavioral Therapy, and he was excelling beyond even my expectations. He was a A/B student, in a regular 2nd grade class. I was so proud of my big boy. I put so much into that child and just as I was enjoying the fruits of my labor he was taken from me. Five days before the accident he wrote me a letter for Mothers Day,it was so sweet and almost grown up. I framed it and now it seems more like a goodbye letter . This is what he wrote to me :
 
Dear Mom,
Happy Mother's Day! I love you. I love you so much. I am so happy and lucky that you're my mom. I'm the person that Loves you more than anything in this world.I am sorry for not always being good, I will try harder to be good, I promise. Thank you for being hard on me, I know you do it because you love me so much. Thanks for keeping Jon from hurting me. Thank you for taking care of me. No one does it like you.                          
                                                    Love, Jarrett
 
The day he died, I came home and framed his letter. What was  a usual mothers-day card now seems more precious to me than any other possession in the world.  I see all these other mom's who are going through the same horrible loss, and I am just at awe to see them surviving, the amount of strength they must have. I have to push myself out of bed and stop myself from crying. It shouldn't have ended like that for him. I would have gladly taken his place , I would have died for him if I could have. How do you get through this? I know I have another child I still have to raise. My husband is in the Air Force and will have to return to work soon. All of our families routines have changed. No more taking my son to school, no more cub scouts, no more date nights with just Jarrett and me. It seems impossible to imagine never seeing his face, or hearing his sweet voice. Every morning he'd find his way into my bed and force his little body between my husband and I, or we'd all curl up on the couch as a family and watch a movie. How will my family ever be the same again? One moment we were all happy and looking forward to our early summer vacation, and the next our family is forever shattered all because a bunch of kids decided to drink and go joy riding. I feel so defeated, like I failed him because I couldn't protect him.