It's been three months since we lost our baby. Since then, I've tried and tried to keep myself focused on other things in my life, but it keeps coming back to this....I've failed! I failed as a woman, a wife and a mother. I cant even successfully do something as natural as carry a baby to term. My son wants a brother or sister so much and and he's getting older and older, I feel so guilty that I cant to that for him. I'm still waiting to get my first period since the miscarriage, I dont understand whats wrong with me. I know I'm not pregnant, I've had several tests done. I've been having problems with ovarian cysts, and I had a UTI. Tomorrow I go in for a sonogram to check the condition of my ovaries, I may need to have surgery to have my left ovary completely removed. If I do have the surgery Its an even bigger setback for us trying again. I'm giving myself 6 months and then I'm giving up. I've been trying to convince myself that we'd be better off not having anymore children, that I'm happy with the way things are now and that a baby would just interfere with our routine. But it just doesn't work, I want that baby back so badly, that it actually hurts.  I find myself becoming more and more distant with God these days. I feel my faith slipping away and no real desire to fight to get it back. Church has become something to aviod instead of something to look forward to. I just feel so tired.