Here we go again....

Well, as of late I've survived another week (actually 6 days) of my husband being out to sea and I never thought he would get home, but he did finally on Friday night and I almost cried!  This time around was a bit easier (emotionally) than the first time, but even so it was so lonely here with just the kitty cats, and boy were they bad.  They were so mad at me for not scooping thier litter for one whole day ('daddy' does it every morning before work) and then when I did it wasn't quite as clean as he gets it....well 'mommy' can't lift the box the way daddy does so of course it wasn't as clean!  The mere fact that I'm talking about my cats this way leads me to wonder if I am, in fact, finally losing my mind. So...on Monday the 21st I have to go to the hospital at 7 am to have another Endsocopy and my doc will see then if he needs to do any banding.  Quick and painless yes, but it's been enough to make me so anxious that I cry just thinking about it.  I don't really know why I let it get to me anymore.  In January I call Walter Reed to schedule ANOTHER follow-up MRI and that's making me even more crazy.  I suppose if the spot is still on it from the last two scans then they may actually want to do a biopsy and then I'll really be scared.   Sometimes it's just really getting to be too much.  Like, when it rains it pours.....Getting used to my husband being back out to sea off and on, all these tests, changes in medications....I really just want to scream at everyone to just let me alone for about a month, but I know I can't do that and that makes me even more angry.  Actually, I don't know if anger is the emotion I feel any more.  Frustrated?  Sad?  Anxious?  Alone?  All of those and about six other things I might have to consult a dictionary to find good words for.  In any event, I am still taking it one day at a time because that works to a certain extent.  I think the fact that my husband has two weeks off for Christmas may help.  Holidays usually brighten my mood but this year I'm trying really hard to get into the spirit of things....it's not as easy as it was last year, but I think I can turn things around.   Hugs and prayers......CA