Hello,
This is my first journal entry. My doctor suggested it might be helpful to seek out people for friendship with whom I could discuss my illness and feelings candidly. In a way I am a closet Bipolar sufferer as I never talk about my feelings or symtoms with my family and friends for fear of frightening them and because of a real awkwardness and embarrassment I feel. I have a wonderful family who loves me very much and who have stood by me but I have discovered that telling them Im fine is easier and less guilt provoking than the truth. I have frightened them and worried them so much in the past that it was affecting their health and I cant do that to them. I have a few friends I have had since childhood but I see them infrequently and put on a facade when I do for the same reasons. I guess Im very lonely for adult company.I live with my 2 almost 3 year old and my 10 month old. I take them to playgroups, dancing class and the park but I never allow myself to form friendships with other mothers for fear that they might find out about my illness and ostrasize my children. Its hard enough being a young single mum living in a fairly affluent area and my greatest fear is that my children will one day be embarrassed of me.