I am changing my smile to a yellow okay. I feel like right now it could go either way. Not that anyone cares, but oh well. Had my appt. Had the things removed and they are winging their way off to a lab somewhere to make sure they are not cancer. Funny to think that a little peice of me will be sitting in a lab somewhere. Thinking of CSI. lol. It wasn't too bad, but the numbing didn't work so well. I guess I was wincing at one point cause she asked if I was okay. I said yes. I wanted to tell her I would gladly sit there quietly in agony if she would remove all of them. But I don't guess someone without NF would understand that. I went for a 3 mile walk. The weather is so dark and gloomy, but it fits. I was thinking of things about me not in my power to change.1. I will never have a tumor free body. Even someone invents a drug that cures NF and makes all the tumors go away, it will probably be like all the miracle asthma drugs and I won't be able to take it. I always get the worst side effects.2. I will never have a hot bod. Okay, not that I ever did but after 47 years of gravity and bearing and nursing 4 children, not bloody likely. 3. I will never be talented at anything. It is time for me to realize that. I have no gifts.4. I will never be rich. This one bothers me less than any of them. It would be nice to not have to worry about money, but hubby and I never fight about it. You can't fight over what you don't have. And we always seem to get by.5. I will never have a husband who finds me attractive. Just won't happen. But if he is willing to live with and occasionally make love to the Phantom of the Opera's ugly sister, I guess I should be willing to live with that.Things I can do something about.1. I can keep looking for a doctor who is willing to remove these beasties before they cause problems and have to be checked for cancer. And I will run the marathon and try to raise awareness of NF. Maybe I can do something that will make a difference.2. I can work to make my body better. I have already lost 40 pounds and several inches. I can make better food choices and keep exercising. 3. I can keep doing what I do to the best of my ability. I do have determination, and I guess that could be a gift, couldn't it?4. Hmmmm. I could play the lotery. lol. Actually, we do spend money we don't have to sometimes. Waste it. Can try to do that less.5. I wish I knew on the last one.
Replies
Marah!!! I felt very very concerned reading the first part, but the second part was GOOD! no wonder you have that smile wondering whether to go up or down. I am sure your husband loves you....and your kids.........why do you feel he doesnt? it it because of the NF? I see someone around with loads of little dark moles over her face - is this the same? This woman, albeit she is older and perhaps has come to terms - is so sparkling and alive and such a warm person, you do notice at first, but after that, after knowing her and seeing her around, I simply dont see these moles....I DO HOPE you feel much better soon, but at least it is an OK today andnot a frown...keep it up...hugggs Cathrynn XX-
Marah...I\'m really concerned about you but enough said. I think sometimes we put limits on ourselves when the limits don\'t have to be there. Today may not be the day to re-examine this, but maybe tomorrow?
All I ask you to do today is to be careful not to make assumptions of others rejecting you...not all of us do that. There is no need to beat yourself. You are dealing with enough! Be kind to yourself, dear Marah.
Hugs and prayers of healing outward and inward, Rona.
Every creative dream begins in heaven. Your determination to raise awareness of NF is a gift. Your humor is a gift. Your reaching out to uplift others is a gift. You hooking me up with Sister Mag is a gift. Being a mother is a lifestyle of giftedness. Taking time to spend with your daughter and her friends is a gift. What we look like is not as important as what we look like on the inside. God looks at the beauty of our heart. Man, in his shaded jaded blurred vision, cannot possibly see the value and worthiness of God\'s children. To me, you are beautiful for your spirit is joined with mine in eternal friendship....
Amen to didiy! We are always hardest on ourselves and many many times, we see ourselves in a worse light than anyone else. Do take care.
You are a wonderful person. You care for so many people. Be kind to yourself and give yourself positive affirmations as you go through your day. I love ya lots.
Marah,
I wasnt attracted to my fiance when I met him either( although most would consider him a attractive man). But after talking to him and spending time with him he got more and more attractive. Now after just 7 years of knowing each other the times good and bad and him sticking by me while Im sick all the time ....I look at him and he is the most attrative man in the world to me. So dont sell yourself short on thinking your husband is not attracted to you because attraction comes in many different forms. But Im glad to see your staying positive on all the other topics. Plus I agree with you about the being rich one...money is nice to have but a lot of times seems to cause more trouble the more of have it. Anyways have a good day. HUGS-LEXX
I know the last one and most important one. No one will have the heart of gold that you have. That is what makes the person. You are such a friend.