well that just sucks........i was writing in my journal for about 10 minutes and hit something and the whole thing went blank!! ARRRGGGG....and of course I was in the rhythm just letting it out...and it happened and now the rhythm is destroyed...maybe it's for the best I was bitching and whining a bunch. Maybe i just needed to vent. I am a little nervous about tomorrow nights counseling appt. Just not sure where it's going or if it's gonna end up where I want to go. For that matter I don't know where I want it to go. I find myself asking the same question my wife asked herself. Are we supposed to be here and are we truely meant to be together? Can we or I handle another 20 or 30 or 50 years in this relationship and do I want to?? I keep thinking I do, but I am so confused right now about where we're going, I'm just not sure. I know most of my frustration comes from the overwhelming feeling of busting my ass all week long and barely beig able to "survive". I can't afford to do anything with my family without feeling like I should have paid a bill with that money. I just want to feel good about my life again. I used to. I need to. I just want to wake up and look forward to my day, to want to actually get up out of bed and move. I know ost of you know I work as a loan officer and I truly love what I do, when things are going well. But right now I feel like Maureen and I are almost killing ourselves for the money to have the life we have and yet we have no time to enjoy that life. I can't wait til my house sells. Please everyone who reads this pray daily and at every chance you get that our house sells quickly and we are able to get as close to the asking price as possible. We would be able to pay off everything and still have money to put down on another property...I just want to feel normal, inspired, excited, energized, experiencing life and not wasting one single moment...but living every moment...