Alright, it's Monday morning and I'm laying in bed, the alarm on my phone goes off telling me it's time to get up and head out, but I can't bring myself to do it. I need time...I need quiet today, I need to relax...with no one else around. SO!!!! what to do...what to do....so I'm still in bed and feeling very guilty inside for taking the day off and calling in sick. I know I need the time, I think I'm going to take a Xanax and go to sleep...have so much racin through my mind and can't stop it...sometimes I wish I had the ability to blank out my mind like you do when you delete text from a page. I just can't get the thoughts to slow down or stop, and they are all about OK...you need to do this...and thsi...and this...and then this...and you HAVE to get this done...your situation depends on you getting these things done...I feel so overwhelmed at times and I just don't know how to handle it correctly. I have to perferm at work or I won't have a job and I'm always thinking about that...it's stressful, but I know it's what I love to do and I'm good at it! Then add in the stress with my wife right now and the kids and I still miss my dad very much...although that is getting easier everyday. I am finally coming to grips with his death. I don't cry like I used to, I miss him, but I try to remember the place he is in and how he must feel right now. He is probably looking down on all of his family and wishing we could all be ok and with him right now, enjoying the freedom of no negative emotions, no illness, no hatred, nothing but being surrounded by love, and kindness and beauty. A place where we can all be free from the negativ thoughts and emotional roller coaster we are all plagued by. Write more later...