12 July 2009 A mello rage has been slowly boiling up inside me that I continue to keep a lid on.  I feel cheated in my life.  I did everything society expected of me - everything that was meant  to ensure a successful life.  I battled bullying and ridiculous amount of crap at school.  Then I went on and did a university degree because if I didnt, then "I wouldnt get a very good jobhen I mo".  When I finished uni I decided it was time for an adventure in this life so I went on a working holiday, but it ended too soon because of mental illness.  But despite how deperately depressed I was, I pulled myself out of it and got a good job as an Assistant Director.  I have continued to move around and work and then finally one day I bought a house and I felt like I'd reached the top of the mountain again.  I felt great pride that I'd achieved this dream and I thought I would stay there forever.  I fell into a relationship and there we tried to make ourselves a life.  But Low and Behold! My partner and I were both mentally ill and we spent 3 years on a merry go round splitting up, then reuniting, getting into debt, and fumbling through life until finally we were so mixed up in our web of confusion neither of us knew what we were doing or who we were.  The finally came when I could no longer handle the pace and I had a nervous breakdown and was then diagnosed with bi polar.  I tripped and fell through the following 6 months trying to heal and return to work but nothing was working.  My frantic struggle became a plod as my energy to fight the voices in my head waned.  I have now been moved to Brisbane.  I have a new job and am living with my sister until my house sells and I can rent a new place.  I am lonely and Im angry at life.  Not just my own but everyone who suffers here on Earth.  I have little hope for my future and I dont know why.  I should be thankful and happy because I have a loving family who do all that they can to help me.  I feel so selfish because others go through so much worse than I.  What is wrong with me?