Dear friends,It is Sunday nite and I am having my colonoscopy tomorrow. I have taken all the wonderful medicine and as such have been in the bathroom all day. Yuck. I spoke with the nurse at the hospice and she said that my sisters death is imminent and it makes me wonder what life is all about and why people who get these horrible diseases have to suffer so. I know in my heart that if that ever happened to me I would not want my family to go through what my brother and I are going through- again! The Death Watch... isn't that what they call it? But I can't be there and hold her hand or stroke her forehead. I can't be there to make sure the covers are on right and that she is not uncomfortable. The sad truth is that I can't be there period. How many years were lost due to anger. How unforgiving I was with her treatment of my mother. And all for what. She is laying in bed dying. I am glad that I made my peace with her and that we had a few conversations before she started not to make sense. I am also glad that I got to see her and she knew who I was. I am sitting here with such a sick feeling and every time the phone rings I jump. I know that there is nothing I can do but I hate it. I hate cancer. I hate disease. I hate the inevitable. We all die, but can't we all die in our sleep and not suffer? I know that I am ranting but I can't seem to shake this despair.I will probably not be on the computer for a while. I will be in the hospital at least 3 days and maybe longer if they cant do the laprascopy and have to open me up.I will keep in touch with my dear friend Renee and she will let all of you know how I am doing. Without your love and support I would be no where. I need you all- my wonderful friends, and I hope that you all know that if you ever need me I will be there.I am going for now.All my love ... Laurie
Replies
Laurie, You did make peace with your sister. You have my love and support and it is unconditional. Make sure Renee lets us know how you are doing. Your sister is in my thoughts, and she is in capable hands. Laurie, no guilt. You must take care of yourself now. All my love, Deb
Prayers for you and your sister Laurie.I\'m so so sorry your plate is so full now.Please Let us know how you did.Know you\'re going to do well.Love you lots and praying big prayers!Lesa
Two difficult issues at once. It is so hard to wait for a loved one to pass when you know it could happen at any time. I\'m glad you got to talk with her and resolve old issues. Good luck tomorrow. There will be lots of prayers heading your way. Hugs and more hugs, Donna
How I hate that ucky drink! I will be thinking of you. Take extra good care of yourself you will need all your strength in the days to come.....Love, Cathy
My thoughts and prayers are with you. They will especially be with you tomorrow. You have made your peace with your sister. She is on her way to a new adventure. The past no longer matters. Love and hugs, my friend, Vicki
I wonder how much weight you hae lost today?! lol You are in my thoughts, and I also will be thinking of you. You have alot going on rith now, try and rest. love sandy
Dear Friends.. thank you so much. You have no idea what you guys mean to me. I will probably be back next week. Hope everyone has a peaceful low pain week. luv laurie
(((Laurie)))
I\'ve had a colonsocopy several times before~I feel your pain from the prep, it\'s awful! I\'ll keep you and your sister and family in my prayers. The whole hospice thing is never easy. We had it with my mom and you\'re right it was a death watch.
Nope, not for me. If I get a dx and it looks untreatble, I\'m not going through all that, it is torute. Be gentle with your feelings and allow yourself to \"be\" whatever you need to at this confusing and difficult time.
Please have someone let us know how you are.
I will keep you and your family in my prayers. i know how hard this must be for you. I am so sorry you have to go through all this. xoxoxox
I\'m so sorry for you and your family, God bless you and keep you safe. I know what\'s happening to your sister is awful and you have my sympathy. My prayers are with you that you come through the surgery with flying colors and get home safe and sound from the hospital. Let us know how you are as soon as you\'re up to it. You\'re in my thoughts and prayers. xxoo
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