Frustration

I really feel like I need one on one counseling.  There are no groups that meet around here and if one on one couseling is the way to go, I am going to have to sacrifice something and pay my way through.  I really need to unload about Mike's death and the last 23 years that he was sick. I am still struggling with a lot of issues, particularly my late husband's family.  His Sister (and her husband) in particular who decided that I didn't do a good enough job with Mike's care in his last couple of weeks before he died, and I didn't even work those days.  I was with him during that time. She called everyone in the family and told them that he was malnourished.  Anyone who has dealt with cancer that has spread, diseased liver, failing kidneys etc. knows that the patient does not do much eating and anything they do eat does not always supply the proper nutrients.  No matter how hard you try. His Doctor used the wrong choice of words and she took the one word and ran with it.  As a result of her phone calls to the family etc. not one of his Aunts or Uncles, cousins or even she or his Brother came to his memorial.  I got one card, ONE, from his whole entire family, no flowers, no charity donations, nothing.  From the family that professed to love SO MUCH!!!!!  They all knew how hard things were for us because he was sick for a good many years.  They used to make comments, "Ree, how do you keep up?".  I had no help except by his other Sister, Mother and Son in the last couple of days in his life. I have worked two jobs for years while Mike was on disability, and managed to take off every time he had a Dr. appt. or surgery or anything pertaining to his health. Thank God I have good employers.  I am not trying to be a martyr here, I just want the peace of mind that I did the right thing for him.  He always said to me, "Ree, I don't know what I would do without you."  Why is that not good enough for me.  Anyway, this has been really bothering me a lot lately and I am having an extremely hard time dealing with it.  I am just not getting past it.  I just want to call his Sister and scream at her what a Bitch she is.  She has always been like that with everyone in the family.  No one can do anything right with the exception of her. When one of their Aunt's died from complications from pneumonia after a fall last Winter, she told everyone that her Aunt's husband pushed her down and that's how she fell.  She even went so far as to say it was his fault that she died.  And I still can not get past this.  What is wrong with me and my sense of self worth!!!!!!