Time...

The time has come to really say what it is like, at least initially to quit work.  I've talked/written at length to some about the physical breakdown that lead to my decision.  But what i haven't discussed is what it felt like emotionally.I became invisible.  After 14 years in education, teaching in a small town, having my opinion matter, suddenly I didn't matter.  No one stopped me at the grocery store to talk, there was no one to go to bat for or families in crisis that needed me.Now any woman that reaches the age of 56, knows what it is like to start fading from public view.  Let's face it, fashion isn't designed for us, shoes aren't, movies, books, tv shows,  only the "young" audience matters.  Then add on top of that the needs of a disabled person.  Think there are any designers out there that give a rip about how easy clothes are to put on?  Not that I've seen unless.  Fading further from the public eye.  Now add the final blow in America, no pay check.  Hey, I'm so invisible to society, I could walk through walls! It hurts.  It hurts in places that there is not medication for.  It is one of those "undercover" side effects of RA and it hurts like hell.

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

Oh SKMac I can so relate! I had to leave my job this past February, and although I knew it was the right thing to do I mourned losing that part of my life for weeks. Finally am starting to feel relief that I\'m no longer in charge of all that cash, scheduling employees, talking to reps-never mind customers who would wipe their nose with the back of their hand before handing me their cash. Just what someone with a suppresed immune system needs! I\'m just still lost trying to find something to occupy my time better. All those responsibilities that were getting to be too much, yet I miss it so much.
SKMac
SKMac

You know, some days are O.K. I can even look at the clock without thinking, the class would be doing this or that. But then I met someone from school or see a former student who has no earthly idea who I am (3 year olds have very short attention spans!) and I\'m back in the \"funk.\" This is the first time in 31 years that I haven\'t been involved in children, either my own or teaching. What a change! And I\'m still struggling, like you said, to find something meaningful that won\'t make me sicker.
deleted_user
deleted_user

Hey-was just stopping by to see how you\'re doing. U need to journal girl! I want an update.