My life
Things has been a little rough lately. There is times that I"m so depressed that I just don't want to even to go work. Guess its too much on my mind and not knowing on where my life is leading. I have a wonderful man in my life but it seems like that I"m the one causing everything. After being hurt so many times in the past that I'm afraid that it may happen again. I know that he will never hurt me but its just getting to a point that I just don't know what to do anymore.
I love him with all my heart and trust him but its hard to think that when you only see him for a couple hours a day it hurts. Yes, I get to spend time with him on weekend nights but by the time that he comes home, I'm either in bed or cleaning house. I never thought that it would be this way.
My 2 older boys only see him maybe 4 hours once a week. It hurts them a little because they look up to him and thinks that he is funny and a great person. Between our work schedules it has put a lot on me. My 3 oldest child seems him more than my older two. I guess I"m trying to hard to balance everything out and at times stress me out.
Times its hard to let anyone else take your kids. In the past I never liked child cares or babysitters. I've also made sure that one of us was always there. But now with 2 different schedules its hard to do that. As there is always once in awhile where my schedule may interfer with his and thats when things could get way off course. I guess being that the person that I am it always work.
Living by yourself, being the only adult in the house its hard to make the bills each month. I've cut back on a lot of things and depend always on the tax return to get a lot of the bills caught back up and pay some ahead. It works out great that way but times I wish that it wasn't.
Its been really hard for my to work full time because of my medical issues that sitting and stand very long hurts so much. I've had so many stress fractures and being thrown years ago my back just hasn't gotten any better. I have given up traveling for work on long trips due to the fact of the pain and my kids.
I would not change anything for my children. After loosing one child I always keep them close to me as much as possible. It try to be there for them as much as possible and just in the point that I don't want to be away from them. People tell me to try to let go and thats not happening anytime soon.
I have lost all interest of fun. Seems like the only fun that I have in my life is my kids. I try to do things with them every weekend and sometimes just having all day of movies works for them. Then in the back of my mind I know that I have my love of my life but he's off doing his things. I know that our worlds will never combine completely. I don't know if I"m afraid to ask why or just got the hang of dealing with it anymore.
He's attending a lot of the boys baseball games which is great. And we have watched him bowl at State Tournments. Give my kids a little more time with him, and the trip to the zoo just the three of us was also great time together.
But times just with us too only happens maybe once every 3 years. I'm saying this because the last time that we went out was the first year that we were seeing each other and it was a dinner for work. Then it was too the baseball game on Father's days.
Maybe one day things will change. But right now its just taking it one day at a time and see where the road travels.
I love him with all my heart and trust him but its hard to think that when you only see him for a couple hours a day it hurts. Yes, I get to spend time with him on weekend nights but by the time that he comes home, I'm either in bed or cleaning house. I never thought that it would be this way.
My 2 older boys only see him maybe 4 hours once a week. It hurts them a little because they look up to him and thinks that he is funny and a great person. Between our work schedules it has put a lot on me. My 3 oldest child seems him more than my older two. I guess I"m trying to hard to balance everything out and at times stress me out.
Times its hard to let anyone else take your kids. In the past I never liked child cares or babysitters. I've also made sure that one of us was always there. But now with 2 different schedules its hard to do that. As there is always once in awhile where my schedule may interfer with his and thats when things could get way off course. I guess being that the person that I am it always work.
Living by yourself, being the only adult in the house its hard to make the bills each month. I've cut back on a lot of things and depend always on the tax return to get a lot of the bills caught back up and pay some ahead. It works out great that way but times I wish that it wasn't.
Its been really hard for my to work full time because of my medical issues that sitting and stand very long hurts so much. I've had so many stress fractures and being thrown years ago my back just hasn't gotten any better. I have given up traveling for work on long trips due to the fact of the pain and my kids.
I would not change anything for my children. After loosing one child I always keep them close to me as much as possible. It try to be there for them as much as possible and just in the point that I don't want to be away from them. People tell me to try to let go and thats not happening anytime soon.
I have lost all interest of fun. Seems like the only fun that I have in my life is my kids. I try to do things with them every weekend and sometimes just having all day of movies works for them. Then in the back of my mind I know that I have my love of my life but he's off doing his things. I know that our worlds will never combine completely. I don't know if I"m afraid to ask why or just got the hang of dealing with it anymore.
He's attending a lot of the boys baseball games which is great. And we have watched him bowl at State Tournments. Give my kids a little more time with him, and the trip to the zoo just the three of us was also great time together.
But times just with us too only happens maybe once every 3 years. I'm saying this because the last time that we went out was the first year that we were seeing each other and it was a dinner for work. Then it was too the baseball game on Father's days.
Maybe one day things will change. But right now its just taking it one day at a time and see where the road travels.
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