Well long time no talking. I've been pretty busy with work and my ex husband thinks that I need anger help. He had taken me back to court and demanded it and of course he got what he wanted. My children are feeling further apart from me and its killing me on the inside.  With all the people that I talk to I'm fine. Is it only with ex spouses that makes people get out of control?? My life has been hell and he just doesn't want my children to be with me. Each day I sit here and cry because of them and feeling that I want my children back. Being married to a person that thinks that he has to have everything in life and he will make sure it happens thats what hurts. I love my children so much that I spend a lot of time with them. They enjoy being with me because I'm fun we do things that is just us. Mother and her children. Me and my boy-friend knows that our children comes before us and we are making it work. He went threw the same thing and knows that a mother cares about her children more than anything. We have a strong relationship and he loves my children. When it comes to parenting my children he knows that he is there for support and does not tell my children on what to do. But my ex thinks that it always has to be with his family which inculdes his girl friend telling them on what to do). My children is at the point that they want to be children and just have fun. My ex also thinks that he has to know on what is going on in my life and the way that I am living it. Well with one income coming in its hard but he doesn't relize that at all. He doesn't care and doesn't know on what you have to do to make it threw each day. Its hard for me to get a full time job because I cant afford childcare that much and my health can't handle working long days in the office. I rather spend a lot of time with time and teach them the things that the schools aren't doing any more. I'm one of these old school people that children needs to learn both styles. I love so much that it hurts and I"m not getting a lot of support from him or his family. They have turned there backs on me because I"m not as good as they want me to be. All because they have money in there pockets all the time and times I don't. I"m at the point that he won't let me have any kind of fun with my children. He has to have all control of what I do and make sure that it doesn't hurt his life style. He has ruined my so much that I'm running out of strength to stay alive. My boy-friend tells me taht I"m strong and things will start to get better. I'm just at the edge of breaking point.  All I want is my children back more days of the week and some fair share of their vacations. I can't afford to take my children out of state because of being a single parent. But being in town there is a lot of places I would to take them to but there isn't enough time in the week for me to be with them. Its like I have to kiss his ass on things that I want in life. I've already lived a life like that and I"m not about to go back to that. My life has been going so good but without my children in it, its like hell. My children are my life. I sometimes think on why our marriage got screwed up. I'm not a party person just rather stay home enjoy time as a family. Children are my proud and joy and missing something in there life is something that you don't get back.  I don't remember much of my childhood because my memory isn't that well. I have a learning disorder and times I forgot on what my life was 5 years ago. I try to do what I can do for them but in a short about of time I can't.  My two older boys has a younger brother that they only get to see 2 times everyother week. They love him so much that all my ex wants is to give them one extra day every other week. He knows on when I get him but doesn't care. He thinks that his family is more important than mine. I"m trying to rebuild my family with my children and he won't allow that to happen.  He claims that he is not interfering with anything. He doesn't see it from a stand point from my side because he is an only child and claims he knows what is best. What is best is for my children to be around there mother who loves them so much in life.