Another day has gone by and my ex still continues to tell me that he and our son has to move on. I can't go a day without that going through my mind. I love our son so much that it hurts that I miss him so much. I"m hurting inside because he's not here and now he has changed his doctors appointment from tomorrow to today because he has to work tomorrow. How wrong is that?? Now me and my son are on Medicare and he wants everything in his name. I've lost primary custody of our son at this time and now its to live on. He is my bright of my day and I love him so much. I'm at the point that he has control of his life and part of mine. He has to judge everything I do and doesn't believe that I am changing. I'm seeing a counseler and he believes that everything is bull shit. I want him to believe that he can trust me and understand me. I've never been violent in my life except with him. I've told lies at the begining of our relationship and countinue to do that until he was going through my personal things and finding everything out. He still tells me that he doesn't believe anything I say and would like him to see this. He knows how to push my buttons so he can cause me to be violent. He won't understand my side or tried to live in my shoes. My life is going to hell and all I can do is still here and let go. I've tried to go bowling a few nights a week but even there I still worry on what is going to happen. I feel like that I"m unsafe and everything I do may jeperdize my rights with my son. Now I stay home and do nothing but cry. I'm tired of sitting around not doing nothing and he has to judge on everything. Basiclly he has all control of me to bring me down low and tell me that I"m nothing to him. I have to accept the crititizisom from him because he says that I deserve every bit of it. I can't take it any more but I won't my son so much that I have to put myself through this. Everyday I want to tell him on I'm feeling but he doesn't care. I'm the one who is trying to get through this alone and he thinks that everything has to be about him. I'm at a lost cause.