I admit that I do have a abuse problem. I would hit my ex boyfriend several times and yell at him because somehow he was write. My past is what tor us apart. We cheated on our spouses in 2002 and we went our own ways. They in 2005 I had called him up again and we ment for lunch one day and I made a move on him. At that time I was thinking on what I was doing. I had told him to move on and I wanted to be with my children and enjoy life a little. My exboyfriend recieved a call from me when I got to work and when I left work, when I got home and my plans for that day. He would do the same. But there was times that he would call everyhour to see what time I was getting down with work.

When we parted in 2005 I had somehow messed things up. Had a one night stand and got pregnet. Had to get a abortion because I didn't want a child that was a mistake in this world. This guy smoked pot.

I then got on the wrong track again and started to take sexually to my best friend. I thought that it was helping him out but it wasn't. It continued through Jan 2006. I had again text my exboyfriend and we got back together.

I wanted to find a right time to tell him about my past but it didn't happen. He was suppious of what I was doing and went through all my things and found out everything. Ever since them I've been accused of things that I haven't been doing. I had also told my ex husband that he was my best friend. Is that wrong?

My ex then wanting to leave me because of my past and I was trying everything I could to save it. To me it was like controling. Wanting me to leave my friends behind and a bowling league that I enjoyed and he wanted me to leave that. I thought things were going good but when I found out when I was pregent in 2006 he told me that this child was not concived on love. I want to fix our relationship to where we don't fight anymore. But he stands in his corner trying to take our son away from me. When he pushes my buttons I go off and it kills me. I've suffered low blood presure and depression. He doesn't care about me anymore.

I know that I need help and I'm trying to be as calm as possible. I've read articles all over and it makes me cry everytime I read it. I know that I made mistakes in life but I'm changing the way that I talk to people and all I want is things to be okay between us.

Right now he is making me choose between work and our son. I've gone to work in the last four months late and now I would like to be at work on time and to him it doesn't matter.

Please help me. I love my son very much and I am so sorry that I've destroyed my trust with him. I care about him so much and he will never forgive me. But I don't want to lose my son and now I'm paying the price of being treated cruley. I'm sorry but I"m in need of help and don't want to lose custody of our child.

I don't want to be abusive anymore. I want to talk to him in a civil way but he is ignoring my calls and my text messaging and its hurting me. I"ve tried to be there for him now but all he said is where were you back then.

I need help. I love my son very much.