LIfe sucks

I'm scared of everyone's reactions.  I'm scared of people at work.  I'm scared of being critized, I'm scared of it all.  I don't know what to do anymore.  I feel so disconnected from who I am and what's going on in reality.  I don't have a template i can compare normalcy to, why on earth would God allow me to go through this?  He continues to let me suffer, and the best encouragement I get is 'suffer well'.  What if I don't want to suffer?  But at that point I don't have a a choice, I have to endure this miserable body of mine.  My teeth or worn from grinding if this is what they meant by hell, I guess I'm in it.  Gnashing of teeth I already do that.  How can hell be anywose than earth?