I realized something today.
When I was in high school, I had no money. It wasn't because I didn't work. I had a job for the majority of my high school days.
I remember my sister telling me that my mom had been "grilling" her on if I was doing drugs, because I never had any money. On payday, I could spend my whole check in 5 minutes.
I don't know why this particular memory made it's way back, but I remember being so mad at my mom for thinking I could do drugs.
But I did have a drug. It was food. We (my friends and I) would go get food during every study hall we had. McDonald's, Burger King, Subway, Taco Bell, Hardee's, Burger Time, Taco John's...the list goes on and on. I had 4 study halls and a different set of friends for each one. I had 4 separate lunches 5 days out of the week. That's why I didn't have any money...and how I got fat.
After high school, I didn't eat out as much, until I met a guy. We used to go out to eat 5 out 7 suppers a week. A.K.A. I put on a few more pounds. Then we broke up...I lost 30 pounds. Then I moved to Grand Forks. And the Freshman 15 turned into the Freshman 30.
I've always used food to put me in my comfort zone. I'd use it when I was sad, mad, happy, celebrating something, etc.
I've broken the cycle. I just hope I can keep it that way. And I think I've convinced my mother that I don't do drugs.