Day One...

Wow, here I am... 30 years old, a mother of a beautiful two year old boy.  I'm lost, scared, confused, hopeful, heartbroken, and full of hopelessness. My relationship with my husband took off fast from the very beginning. We feel in love fast, got engaged fast, and then we got pregnant fast... Which, sped up the wedding by just about nine months. We were not ready to be married, but felt so much pressure from my mother, as she moved the wedding up from September to March without the consent from me or my husband. We had literally NO foundation when we got married, and we came from TOTALLY different backgrounds. You know the show "Wife Swap"? It's about two families that are so totally different it is crazy, well... That is the families my husband and I were raised. We have had so many fights, and arguments that I could not even begin to count how many it actually has been. There has much so much damage done, and my husband is having a hard time letting go of it, and moving on. At the start of December he approached me, and told me that he wanted to separate for awhile. It was a very low-key conversation, and it ended with him staying with me and actually getting me a new wedding band for Christmas. I have been floating on air... Until yesterday, Christmas day... He told me he is still not happy, and he doesn't think his heart can ever heal from all the damage that has been done. He wants to separate, and actually really do it this time. I cannot express the amount of pain I feel, I literally feel sick to my stomach. How am I supposed to tell my son that his daddy and his mommy couldn't make it work, not even for him? I love my husband so much, he is the best friend I have ever have. I am so scared to lose him, but at the same time I can't keep living my life in fear that he is going to randomly tell me he doesn't want to be with me anymore... Man... I dunno... I just have no where to go, I have never felt so alone in my life.
I am desperate to show my husband just how much I love, and care for him. I want him to see this is worth fighting for... I asked my mom to watch my son on Tuesday and Wednesday, as those are my husbands days off from work. I booked a hotel room in a nearby town, we need to have alone time... I honestly don't remember the last time he and I actually had time to be together without our son. I am hoping it can be a healing process, and I hope he is actually excited to go.
I guess all I can do is pray the Lord show me the direction He has planned for me...