Its 4am and I cannot sleep.   I had a nice full day on the pizza delivery job, had a nice evening with my new girlfriend, and things are pretty darn good.  She and I have decided to deepen our commitment to each other.  If I had fantasized my first post divorce relationship, I could not have invented a more loving, affectionate, supportive person. I want to restate again, that she helped me completely re-start my life from the devastation that divorce laid on me  I was lucky, I had her to help me along the way.  I know that many of you out her do not have that advantage      I want to keep a bright upbeat face all the time, but I must admit the whole layoff thing is starting to sink in.  I KNOW that I am gonna bounce right back, but I sure hate the uncertainty that lies ahead these next days.  Will my new boss be as wonderful as my old boss (not the new old boss, but the old old boss)?  I was very happy with the company, how good will the new company be?  If it is an IT job, will thy tolerate my learning curve, or get impatient and get rid of me.  All of these things worry me, and while I know that I am a very hard worker, sometimes working hard, showing up early and giving your full measure does not always keep your job.  I just found that out. I will continue with my IT school, get my certifications and continue on target to my goals.      My life IS fantastic, but getting laid off really brought out the anxiety in me.  Oh, I would have it now and then, but it has been so long since I had a good dose of it, it is hard for me to handle it .  I do not like this feeling that something else bad is gonna happen  It is that bad right now.  I am smiling to the world, but inside, right now, I am pretty upset.  I am not handling this failure very well.  I feel like there is something I might have done differently to prevent this.  I had just passed thru a bout of internal negativity and had thought I was gonna be okay.  Now, the layoff.  I think that I am much more susceptible than I might  have been because of the divorce, but it has been almost 5 months since the final date and 9 months since she asked so it is not like it is brand new.  You cannot go through life blaming how you feel on a single event forever.       Relationship wise, I have bumped my slider from 75 to 90.   We are gonna be spending a significantly greater amount of time together, and that makes me very happy.   I am a little nervous about it, and the stress of needing a job is bothersome right now     Who you are is determined by how you handle really good things and really bad things in life.