Well the other day my wife finally got it thru my thick head that it is completely over. I got angry and some things were said and done that were cruel enough to make her cry and resent me further. I doubt that I will even be able to hold her hand again. I also found out that there is not a spark of lust for her left in me. That magic, that place that only she ever took me is gone. Only she could take me to that spot where there was only her and only her smell and touch. No other woman took me to that spot. But it is gone completely now. I am sad for losing that.  I dunno what it is that makes me feel so bad, but it is not the loss of love. That has been gone for a long time on her part, and perhaps on mine too. One thing is for sure, she sure made life easy for me, and mothered me. I am gonna miss that. I hope I find someone who has her kindness inside but can communicate her needs and wants to me the way I can. I saw a girl at a convienience store with that same feel of kindness about her and a friendly face. I wanted to hit on her, but just could not bring myself to it.  I just fear that if I do not act, I might never get to meet her. She is heavy like my wife is and was, but has that same feel. And I now know that I find the heavier body type very attractive. Oh not obscenely heavy, but pretty paunchy. Till today, I was feeling pretty good. No anxiety, no depression and having some physical reactions that are unexplainable to me other than I guess it is the exercise. Makes it hard to sleep at times, especially in the morning LOL I am past the stage of "Oh god, I cannot live without you" and have moved to "Oh, what a shame, what a terrible failure" mindset. I feel sad about not making this work. I am not lost, I know where I am heading but I keep thinking of all the things we could be sharing or doing togehter, heck, Second Life for one. She lost her house and all her belongings in the game becuase she could not afford to pay for them any more without my income. Felt sorry for her loss, but felt more sorry for myself because if we had made it work, she could still have that part of her life to share with me. And heck, she is the breadwinner so life is gonna be changed for me too. I just want to love someone and have them love me back. Is that so wrong? Just a bit of a downer cycle right now Gonna take a nap, then wash dishes and try to move around. Pretty much outta money so I guess I cannot do much other than get online and chat How ironic... I hated the pee out of Second Life because of what she did in there. Now, I played the game and found out just how compelling it can be. If you want the most real virtual experience with boundless possibilites, AND you have a good computer with a good graphics card, then check it out