I am gonna sanitize this because I realized there is a chance my children my see this. I do not want them to get involved so I have re-written todays jounal to reflect that Thanks for understanding (4/27/2007)

Last night, I confronted my wife over a personal matter. We discussed it at length. I am sure now it was a mistake.

I had one of her emails from a couple of months ago, before she asked for a divorce and talked with her about it. We argued and talked and she spent a lot of time looking out the window and just thinking. Whatever relationship we still have was damaged further. She was pretty hurt and angry. She still suspects that I am logging her computer, but I am not, and have nothing on there.

I was angry and hurt and just could not hold it back any longer. I have known for a time, but despite knowing even before the divorce, I just held on tight. It ate away at me, but I held back till now because I hoped that there would be some way to make it thru it.

I only told her because I lost hope that there was any chance. She has made it very clear time and time again that she just wants out, but still I had hope. Even now, I pray and pray knowing that God is not gonna answer me this time, but still I hold hope. That hope, that things will get better or that God will send me some sign of hope, is the one thing keeping me going.

She asked me to remove any tags related to her name or any nicknames she uses. I relented, so from now on these entries will not have any tags associated with them


And the lies of course. We had a big argument but by the end of the night it was civil again. Gonna talk some property. Talked with a lawyer to figger out my rights. Bout what I figgered. It's not worth the 1500 to even involve them. The marriage may be kaput, but once the lawyers get involved, then all communication stops.

My exercise is really working. Parts of me have become much more awake....... If I could only have one wish, it would be that, but a sincere thing, not a sympathy thing