heh, another entry so soon. I have been looking over what I posted and I am wondering just how much of that is guilt driven over a failed relationship. My sister Linda is very supportive and it is great to have someone so strongly on your side. She keeps telling me that it's not all my fault and I need to quit apologizing for it. So today was my last apology. I want to make sure that when my wife reads my entries (if she does) that she does not feel unfairly treated. But I also want her to know that I believe part of her wants to be the injured party here because that way it is easier to end it all. That does not mean her misery is not real or that I was Mr Perfect. But what it does mean is that love means forgiving. And I am not an ogre or something. She knows that I dearly love her. She just needs to remember that shutting yourself completely off from the one person in the world who most desperately needs you can be just as hurtful as having someone lose their temper and toss something across the room. And my temper lasted but a few minutes at most. Her shut down lasted most of the last 5 years or so. My inability to be happy and therefore have a happy attitude toward her, was directly connected to my inability to reach her