Everyone in the forum was commenting on this so I thought I would blog it here too My nickname is Sam Sausage and she is Patty Pepperoni and two years olderHello Sam, Linda told me what was going on with you and Elaine and I decided to write since I've been in that same situation myself. I remember when Herb told me he wanted a divorce, I was totally devasted and bereft. I remember thinking, "this can't be so, it just can't be so." But, it WAS what he said and it WAS what he wanted. I went through some sleepless nights and a lot of tears. I'm sure you're feeling the same way. I felt worthless, fat, ugly, and not worth my salt. I couldn't find one thing about myself that was worth having. But what I learned through that whole thing is, I allowed myself to feel that way and there was not reason to. I think it's just part of the separating thing, I HAD to be that way for him to leave. But, it was nothing bad about me that caused him to feel that way. Yes, I was overweight. Yes, it's true I wasn't that good looking-ok looking but I won't win any beauty contests. And it was true that I didn't realize I was griping at him more than I knew. But, it was something in him that made him want a divorce. I'm not a perfect person but there isn't any perfect person. I'm just an average joe. I will tell you for sure, there are tons of others out there just waiting for the opportunity to have someone to date, to have someone to share things with, and there is no reason to feel unworthy or unwanted. It is the shock of the whole situation that will shut your mind down to any thing good about yourself. I can and will tell you what will help but you may or may not take my advice. Concentrate as best you can on your job and your children. Try to find something that occupies your mind, whether it be computer games or walking or whatever. You need to focus on YOU, not on the relationship with Elaine, not at this time. If in the long run she changes her mind you can work on the relationship then but until that time you have to think of yourself and your life "after Elaine." You will still need to eat, pay bills, have a job, and everything that is necessary to live. I'm not telling you it will be easy, it will be hard as hell. But you must force yourself to do all those things and not allow the situation to have total control over you. Take a step at a time, I had to, and although I felt that nothing was of interest to me, I just wanted to give up, I found out that after some time I wasn't happy but I WAS content and that's a huge start. Actually, my neighbor lady asked me to come to her church with her. I put it off and off and then finally gave in to shut her up. I went to her church and prayed for God to make me content, not happy, just able to accept and get through the situation. And you know, I cried through the whole church service. I was so embarrassed but I couldn't stop. And in the next few days I realized that I had what I'd asked for. I was terribly unhappy but had accepted that he wasn't coming back. I had no control over what he did and that was just how it was. I needed to get on with life, nothing stands still in this world, and I knew I didn't want to live forever feeling that way. As it turned out, he came back home and we continued being married until he died. But what I learned through that is, the feeling was never the same for me. He had severed the tie that keeps a marriage vital and alive. You can patch the tie and still care for someone but when you get past that MAJOR hurt the damage is done. Patched is never as good as the original. I look back and realize that I would have been better off had I just let him go. But there was no telling myself that then. I was determined to have what I wanted and let me tell you, I paid the price for it. So, I guess what I'm trying to say is "this too shall pass." Maybe not in the way you want it too, but it will pass. There are good things still out there to enjoy when you decide to move on. And honestly, you have it WAY ahead of women your age as there are tons of women out there looking for a relationship and just not enough men to go around. That's the statistics. Keep your chin up and try to go on. Try to give it a rest as best you can. Cry your head off and become numb then realize one day that "Gosh, I just saw a pretty bird," or "Wow, that supper was good," or whatever little thing that happens gives you a tiny bit of pleasure. That is when you'll know that you are finally waking up to join life again and you are healing. (It took me 4 months to get to that point, I just kept trying to win him back and wouldn't accept no.) Take care of yourself, you have children and grandchildren, sisters and family that love you. If I can help let me know. Talk soon. Patty