We had another argument. It started innocently enough with her looking over the list of stuff I was gonna need/want/wish for for the apartment when I get into it. Despite her being an RN, we have nothing saved. It is gonna take about three months of this torture before I can get out of the house. Every day I see her I ache for her attention, it is hard to look at her and realize that she cannot stand to be touched by me, yet, we are still sharing the same bed. We are both clothed and all, her in pajamas and me in shorts and a t shirt but still, its pretty schizophrenic.
We started rehashing old hurts and she threw a few things I said in anger from 15 years ago at me. She has not let one thing go she perceives as a hurt or even attempted to realize that she said things in anger she did not mean also. the difference is, I just let them go as something said in anger and not meant.
We talked about the last time she came to me willingly to make love. Our 31st anniversary. She knew then it was all over. I asked her how she could just turn it on and off like that. She just said she can. At least she was generous with me for that one last time
We started rehashing old hurts and she threw a few things I said in anger from 15 years ago at me. She has not let one thing go she perceives as a hurt or even attempted to realize that she said things in anger she did not mean also. the difference is, I just let them go as something said in anger and not meant.
We talked about the last time she came to me willingly to make love. Our 31st anniversary. She knew then it was all over. I asked her how she could just turn it on and off like that. She just said she can. At least she was generous with me for that one last time
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keep plugging through. i couldn\'t imagine having to live together with my ex.
i am here if u need someone to vent to
That is the saddest thing to be within reach and her be untouchable.. You will be a stronger man for the patience and denial of yourself, but it would be impossible for me to fathom the situation you are in.. I would go insane.. Two nights before my husband left, we had sex, and the next night as we were lying in bed together, he said I can\'t be near you without a reaction and he was waiting for me to say ok, but I did not.. I felt so used the night before. He turned away and went to sleep and I was dying all night long. then the next day, he got up and packed his stuff and moved out.. The first time he left me, he brought home a quart of beer and a steak. He cooked the steak and drank the beer, then he packed his stuff and left.. It was 10 days before he asked to come back.. the next time it was three weeks, then 4 months, but this time he will not be getting a return trip home.. I can hear how you are suffering with the closeness and the coldness.. I wish so much there was a way you could move out now, so that you don\'t have to continue to torment daily.. I send along prayers for peace and strength for you to be able to survive and become whole again... kimmee
Went out for lunch with stbx today, and that was hideously painful. We lived together for 8 wks after our parting. It is hell. I know.