Well, my first day of therapy. Did not accomplish much, barely had time to set some goals for treatment. I have ups and downs. I love my wife so very much still and it is so hard to accept that you can be with someone 31 years and then find they don't love you and haven't for a long time.
Surviving day to day. It's only been two weeks since she asked for it. But I am certain that it is a done deal and we are gonna part forever. That is one thing I can say I know about my wife. She has solid resolve in this and will never love me again
Surviving day to day. It's only been two weeks since she asked for it. But I am certain that it is a done deal and we are gonna part forever. That is one thing I can say I know about my wife. She has solid resolve in this and will never love me again
Replies
I am so sorry to hear that you are having such a rough time.. Like you, I still love my husband, and it has only been a month since he left.. I know that it is over and I also know it is for the best for me and my children, but getting over it is going to be really hard to do..
I just wanted to offer encouragement and pray that things will get easier for you.. kimmee
After 31 years and all those family memories, she might not love you the same way as when you were first married, but she surely treasures your contribution to her life. Someone just advised me to separate the person from the relationship in my mind. I could no longer live in my relationship, but I valued, and still do, the man that I had been with for 25 years. Now I need to figure out how to create a new/different relationship with him. He will always be the father of my children. I am choosing to believe that this new relationship definition will make us both happier.
I agree with SherryH. I am contemplating divorce after 30 years of marriage. I know you are hurting and reading emails like yours is really make me hate myself for wanting out of my marriage. My husband is a good person. We were married a week out of high school and I think we just grew up...and grew apart. I still care very deeply and wonder if we could just stay married and fake it...
Would you have wanted your wife to stay, even if she did not love you as much as you love her? Just curious.
WBDONNA: I must admit that even now, knowing that she does not love me, my heart tells me I would stay. But it\'s a lie you know. My wife has a tender heart and she deserves happiness. If your husband loves you, then even if the pain of not having you is unbearable, in the end, he would want you to find happiness.
My wife and I lost intimacy years ago, and there was nothing at all these last two years. Heck, I am still in the house and she is kind enough to let me have time to get the money together for my first stop in my new life. Just do one thing. If you really have any doubts at all, do counseling. Try it, then if it fails to change things, at least you can leave with a little less guilt
My husband of 32 yrs told me in January about his 13 yr affair and that he hadn\'t loved me for several years.
I had no clue. He moved out a month ago. No offer to try counseling or regrets or trying to salvage the relationship.
When I told a friend that I was having trouble accepting that the last 13 yrs of my life had been a lie, he said \"Your memories are real, don\'t let them go. It\'s his life that is the fraud.\" That idea has helped a little, but it\'s so hard to accept spending a lifetime with someone and realizing you didn\'t know them at all.
I take some comfort that I am no longer trapped in a loveless marriage without my knowledge or consent.
The first weeks are the hardest, the pain, denial and confusion constant. Then the dispair, anxiety and anger come and go. Resolve to survive starts to emerge. And then it starts all over again, but for shorter periods.
Hopefully we will all be able to look back on this time, amazed that we\'ve come through this, and proud of who we\'ve become in the process.
SHerryh: My comment to you did not get saved so here it is again
Thanks for the words, she does say she loves me, just not as a husband, so maybe that is true. It seems that you feel that way too