I still can 't believe that Christmas is just 14 days awayand I still am not in the Chrissy mood. I guess it is just another case of my very disorganised life. I have been searching my mind to discover a valid reason as to why I am so terribely disorganised. Each time I think that I have found a valid and intelligent reason for my disorganised life, the Chris that has a firmer foothold in reality, well just gives a cough of utter disbelief. Imagine having to  accept that fact; that I am the causa sui of my disorganised life...shit!life is tough.    I have just poured myself a class of wine; dont worry it is 1638 Friday afternnon (11/12/2009}. Now  back to tha apologia pro vita sui , I am still worried about the fact that i have no external cause that i can blame for my disorganised life. So I guess I am left with no other place to look but at the internal Chris. Trust me that is one place I always avoid, it is far too dangerous.   Many can trace back to their childhood the source of many problems which boil over in to the adult life. My childhood was happy and loving, I had no terrible things happen to me. As I teenager is was the kid that was never quite like the other kids. If I have to be honest I was both boring and dull, a regular goodie two shoes . As a young adult I think I was more boring and duller. I worked, went to night school, studied and thus had no social interaction. No, that is a lie, I joined a Church discussion group; in an attempt to reconnect myself with the rest of humanity.   Then there are six years which I really have no widh to bore you with. Nothing bad happened during those years...more bloody work, syudy and a host of then thought of as useless things. Could this be the source of my disorganised life?   No I cant even blame those years, so my search continues; so it is back to the internal Chris.    As i write this journal entery I am asking myself why? Why am I wrting about things that I thought I had had regular stock answers to/ Well it is obvious that I dont have the answers. Hell, hell, damn blast...a mid-life crisis...no that wont work.  So I have to adnit to the simple fact that Chris is the causa sui of his disorganised life. I dont know if that is an answer or a  reason,   Well that is the first step upon the road to self acceptance.