today
So, once upon a time I was a freshman in college and my roommates and I stood in front of our mirror in the bathroom and we all yelled, "Today is gonna be a great day! I am a great person!"
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I think it worked. I remember talking to a boy that I thought was cute and thinking, "This is a privilege for him to be talking to me."
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I wasn't stuck up or anything. I was just experimenting with this idea of being great.
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Why am I sharing this memory? I guess because I need a good dose of screaming in the mirror something about greatness. NOT: This is a great mess you are in. You look like a great mess. haha
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I need to care. I'm trying to care. Caring hurts.
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I...don't...want...this...anymore. Well, too bad.
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Went to my daughter's senior night track meet last night. It was freezing. It took a long time last night to warm up after I got home. I still feel the effects this afternoon. I'm still not getting to sleep. I'm still feeling sorry for myself. I want to be more than this. Have I mentioned how great I am at hating this illness?
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Who are these people who say things like, "I wouldn't change my life for anything because then I wouldn't be who I am." uhm..... Say, what?! I will change your life for you by slapping you upside the head in order to try to knock some sense into you. OF COURSE you wouldn't be who you are if you weren't who you are. That's just stupid.
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My daughter is having stomach problems. Natural to be worried about graduating, summer job, where to go to college, what to study, waiting to hear about scholarships, how to pay for everything, leaving friends, going out into the unknown, etc. But, is she also worrying about her mom who is getting sicker? Man, I hate mother guilt. I'm pretty great at it.
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Need to go. Window guy is here to replace our family room window. I opened the blinds one morning and there was a huge crack in the window. Just life's way of saying, "Have a great day." Apparently, it's a stress fracture. I have heard so many birds slam into the window that I thought it was pretty dang sturdy. They fly away a bit stunned singing, "What do you get with a drunken sailor..."
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Anyway...you are welcome to join me in my new morning mirror chant. Feel free to customize your yelling to fit your personal need.
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carry on.
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***
I think it worked. I remember talking to a boy that I thought was cute and thinking, "This is a privilege for him to be talking to me."
***
I wasn't stuck up or anything. I was just experimenting with this idea of being great.
***
Why am I sharing this memory? I guess because I need a good dose of screaming in the mirror something about greatness. NOT: This is a great mess you are in. You look like a great mess. haha
***
I need to care. I'm trying to care. Caring hurts.
***
I...don't...want...this...anymore. Well, too bad.
***
Went to my daughter's senior night track meet last night. It was freezing. It took a long time last night to warm up after I got home. I still feel the effects this afternoon. I'm still not getting to sleep. I'm still feeling sorry for myself. I want to be more than this. Have I mentioned how great I am at hating this illness?
***
Who are these people who say things like, "I wouldn't change my life for anything because then I wouldn't be who I am." uhm..... Say, what?! I will change your life for you by slapping you upside the head in order to try to knock some sense into you. OF COURSE you wouldn't be who you are if you weren't who you are. That's just stupid.
***
My daughter is having stomach problems. Natural to be worried about graduating, summer job, where to go to college, what to study, waiting to hear about scholarships, how to pay for everything, leaving friends, going out into the unknown, etc. But, is she also worrying about her mom who is getting sicker? Man, I hate mother guilt. I'm pretty great at it.
***
Need to go. Window guy is here to replace our family room window. I opened the blinds one morning and there was a huge crack in the window. Just life's way of saying, "Have a great day." Apparently, it's a stress fracture. I have heard so many birds slam into the window that I thought it was pretty dang sturdy. They fly away a bit stunned singing, "What do you get with a drunken sailor..."
***
Anyway...you are welcome to join me in my new morning mirror chant. Feel free to customize your yelling to fit your personal need.
***
carry on.
***
Replies
I got some nice laughs from this post Katy. Thanks!
I like what you said about the people who wouldn\'t change their life...a big high five on that one. I think they are suffering from common sense deficiency.
I keep hearing people say on tv that you can be anything you want to be in life, you have only yourself to blame if you don\'t make it. What??? Try putting on some dark makeup and applying for a job in a southern city. Or go put on a blindfold and see what life is like for a blind person.
Sorry you are having problems, Katy. I talk a brave talk, but I have my share of motivation problems. Sometimes I just don\'t care what happens anymore, I just get worn down. I try to do a little low-stress gardening the next morning when that happens, that usually helps a lot.
Whatever you do, don\'t blame yourself. Being wretchedly ill is not a lifestyle choice. Stuff just happens.
as always, well put katy!
And it made me laugh too as I think of Stuart Smalley ( aka Al Franken) on Saturday Night Live(back when I was awake at that hour)standing at the mirror saying \"I am good enough! I am smart enough! and gosh darnit! people like me!\"
And I hear Richie in the \"I don;t care\" and being too worn down...and the lack of motivation..well, that is a big issue for me too..like what is the point?
Resiliency to \"bounce back\" is harder to come by as the waves of life keep hitting...
sometimes caring does hurt too much...and not caring for me at least is more of a \"safety mechanism\" or survival mode....Hey, maybe we should contact the producers of Survivor..have them cast us and see how well we do!
\"Challenge today Survivors: get out of bed!\" HA!
Oh and P.S. If we WERE on Survivor, I would want YOU in my alliance! lol
\"ear-lye in the morn-in\' \"
I have that tune by The King\'s Singers. On the Annie Laurie CD I think.
I feel too blah today to yell.
Hugs and Mojo
Weebs