I am still checking in regularly on the site to see how my friends are doing and scanning posts for any information that may help me in my journey. I am beginning to feel anxious.  If I try one last time it will be in the next few months.  I've decided that since I'm turning 43 next fall that I have very little time/opportunity left.  I think I am strong enough to survive another miscarriage.  Maybe I'm kidding myself.   DH and I aren't quite on the same page.  He is completely silent on the subject.  He says nothing when I talk about maybe trying again.  He's not keen on adopting or acting as foster parents.  There was an appeal this week on the local radio station for foster parents for a 9 month old girl.  I wanted to sign up and bring the girl home that day.  That said, I know I would be mess a year down the road if/when I had to give her back to her birth mom.  What's really sad is there are children who need and want families, there are people like me who would love more children in their families and then there are road blocks and red tape.  I say this because I was talking with a colleague whose neighbour just adopted.  It cost $50,000 and it wasn't even an international adoption! I continue to gather information but stories like this are disheartening.  We are doing o.k. but we can't afford that kind of outlay.  So yes my little plan (daydream/fastasy) of one last chance stays at the back of my mind.   I've been busy with work (probably too busy).  I always put in at least two hours of paperwork a night.  There is always housework.  I spent my whole Saturday cleaning.  I am planning some renovations and redecorating projects in my little leisure time.  I play as much as possible with my daughter.  She never wants the playing to end but I can only take two hours of Barbies at a time. Last night I took my mother to a play.  You could tell she was really happy to be out and spending time with me.  It made me look at my relationship with my daughter and it made me think I should make efforts to spend more time with my mother.    Tomorrow is a Seussical matinee with my daughter and one of her friends.