Hello, ...and a happy new year to all my DS friends.  Thanks for hanging in there with me.  I do read regularly but unfortunately don't write very often.  I find I have to set limits on my "secret" life of the miscarriage world and seeking a second child.  As we all know it can consume you..... I survived the family Christmas.  It was my turn to host so with my siblings and extended family I had 30 people.  The last month has been a frantic race to clean, decorate, shop, wrap and cook.  All went off well.  It is nice to finally relax.  The last visiting family member left yesterday.  I may have new year's guest but I'll worry about that later. A few things about Christmas..... I have a few Christmas tree ornaments in memory of my precious lost babies.  I have a small pair of booties for each which I hang on the tree.  It is very important to me that they are remembered.  Well I chickened out and basically hid them at the back of the tree to avoid having to answer the questions of my family members.  I know my mother, bless her, can't keep anything confidential so I know they all know but for the most part it goes unmentioned.  That said out of the blue, my mother asked me if we considered adopting.  Then my sister asked me if "are you done with that now?" meaning are we done trying.  She also asked if we found anything out about why we keep miscarrying.  I answered her briefly.  She's o.k. but she also thinks she knows what is best for everyone.  She sort of thinks if I "just relax" it will happen.  She really has no idea. In the meantime, I still cling to hope.  If I just pray enough, if I just exercise and eat healthy, if I just make my life as stress free as possible......  It is something that is always aching in my heart.  The desire for  a second child is always at the back of my mind as are all the doubts and fears. I continue with my plan.  If I am going to try one more time, this is the year.   As I've mentioned before my regular doctor has a dragon lady receptionist.  It is incredibly hard to get appointments, test results, etc....  I wanted to ensure I was as healthy as possible for my last attempt.  I continue to get the aching pain in my lower pelvis.  It is not constant but fairly regular.  It is not the pain of ovulation as I keep being told.  It happens when I am on the pill and when I am mensturating.  So anyway I finally got in for an adominal ultrasound at the beginning of December.  The ultrasound technician told me I had large gall stones and that was likely my problem.  The lovely receptionist at my doctor's office waited three weeks to call me to finally set up an appointment with my doctor to discuss the results.  That appointment only happens January 5.   Yes.... things are moving at glacial speed. I may have gall stones but that still does not explain the lower pelvic pain.  I don't really want to have an operation to remove my gall bladder.  It certainly will affect my last attempt at pregnancy. I am hoping to try for a pregnancy in the spring.   The summer is the least stressful time for me so I am trying to time my critical 8 week to 12 week time for my holidays.  It can't hurt and if I as destined to miscarry again, at least I won't have to deal with work colleagues etc... As you can see, I am already trying not to get emotionally involved.  That said I know I will be. I will try and update you friends as soon as I find out about my ultrasound results.  In the meantime, please know that so many of you inspire me with your strength and wisdom.   I am truly among women who understand.