Hello DS friends, I had a great week of vacation with my family.  Just going for walks, riding our bikes or beaching it.  My daughter loves the beach.....me too.  We had a couple days of fairly big waves so I stuck close to my little joy.  My daughter is a little too fearless sometimes.  She is just learning to swim and here she is diving into these waves.  I had my fourth specialist referral appointment on Tuesday.  I don't know where to begin and who to believe.  I am skeptical of his sincerity but I suppose the bottom line is it's his business.  This is his job rather than some noble calling to help people like me who want to have a baby.  He did remark that I have already seen the best of the best....the guru he called him.  I basically said that I didn't expect him to find the cause of my miscarriages.  I've already had all the testing.  I had three questions.  1.    If my egg quality is my problem because of my age I wondered if we should stimulate the production of more eggs in the hopes that one might be good by using clomephine.    He ruled this out saying the body prepares and releases the best egg.  He also said this could work against preparing an adequate lining if that was my problem. 2.    I asked how they would manage a miscarriage.  I've been through this 4 times and I've hated being at the mercy of the system.  I've sat in an emergency waiting room bleeding through my pad and pants only to be told to go home but come back if it's worse.   And the last time......waiting for the horrible event to be over but it dragged on for months.He said he would do whatever I liked given my history.  If I wanted a D&C he said he would do it.  I know they keep telling me it has the potential to increase miscarriage risk in the future but my times of trying are all but over. 3.    I asked if he would test my lost fetus.  I don't know if the answer will give me any peace.  He was surprised that I had never been offered this option.  Again if I wanted it , he would do it. So you will notice my questions were pretty negative......I almost fully expect another miscarriage.  Other than that he said he can't offer my hard clinical evidence but he would put me on a regimine of low dose asperin and progesterone.  This time I'm to take the progesterone around ovulation before implantation.   Then if I get pregnant, he will put me on herapin.  Again he doesn't think there is hard evidence for herapin but he said it wouldn't hurt.   I suppose I should be happy that he is offering my something.....when the last two said nothing.  The doctor I had through my last miscarriage kept saying that her guiding priniciple was do no harm to the patient therefore avoid D&C and herapin.  She also had like a checklist for trying different approaches.   If I remember correctly, she told me that statistically herapin did not make any difference until couples experienced 5 miscarriages.  So I felt like I wasn't human.  You know, if you have three miscarriages we test for this and do that.  On the next one, we try this.  I am not a lab rat.  I'm not jumping hurtles here.  These miscarriages are devastating events.   The last guru basically said I was too old.  He offered embryo testing and implanting the "best"one after they removed some cells to test for abnormalities.  It was very expensive.  We can't afford it and it would be a big gamble if my problem is my lining and placenta take over. So I left with a prescription for more progesrone and instructions to take baby asperin.  Keep in mind my losses are all unexplained.  None of my test indicate I need progesterone or herapin.  They're just guessing, giving me something to try.  The ball is definitely in my court.   I ploughed ahead three times already since my first miscarriage and this time fear definitely has the upper hand.   I just feel like I'm flirting with diaster if I try again.  So this is where things are now.  I'm pondering, soul searching, agonizing ......you name it.