I am busy in my garden these days.....I can't keep up.  We have had a lot of rain so the the weeds are relentless.  Unfortunately the bottom of my tomatoes plants are starting to wither so it may be some type of blight.   Everything is growing extra fast.  I am  excited by how well my cauliflower and eggplant plants are doing.  It does take a lot of my time.  Sometimes my daughter comes out with me to play in the sand while I weed.  Often it is interspered with play...... we are royal bakers and all the princesses are coming for a sleep over but Jafar from Aladin always shows up to ruin the party. I got a call yesterday that my cardio kick class is cancelled for August.   Apparantly the instructor's mother is quite ill.  I understand but I am rather bummed out because that class really kicked my butt and made me feel better for the week.  I live in a rural community so there really isn't any other classes  until September.  Oh well, I'll just have to up the bike rides and break out the tae bo videos.   I saw my naturpath last week.  She is most positive about me trying again.  I asked her to help get me as healthy as possible in case we try one last time.  Either way I figure it's beneficial.  So I am on a two week detox program .  Unfortunately I've already messed up by not sticking to the pills three times a day.  When you're out and about it's hard to remember the mid day dose.  Anyway I will try again tomorrow to be consistent.  She has me on a few other things including rubbing castor oil on my stomach which I find a little strange but I'm willing to try.  She thinks it might help with any internal lesions which may explain the lower pain I've been having in my ovaries since this whole miscarriage mess took over my life.  I'm not sure which remedy is working but it seems to be helping.  It could be my diet or probiotic stuff she's prescribed.  Anyway I will keep you posted.  My referral appointment is August 12........UUUGGH........the one I requested in March.  It still burns me.  I['m not expecting much.  It's my 4th referral.  The one last December was with a doctor who is supposedly the best in the country and world expert on recurrent miscarriage.  He was useless.  He had his doctor in training resident ask my questions for 15 and then he came in the for last five and said there was nothing he could do for me.  He recommended a surrogate mother or adoption.  He said age was the cause of my miscarriages.  I'm just too old and I have a 50 % of miscarrying.   Because of my age bracket I guess it's just not feasible for them to do any treatment....economies of scale and all that.  I could go for this procedure where they do IVF and then remove cells form the embryos to determine which ones have abnormalities.  They then implant any normal ones.   However it costs $25,000 !!!  I also wonder what if all my lost babies were normal and the problem is with me maintaining the pregnancy which would make it a wasted $25000.   So when I see this specialist here's my agenda.  First all if I try again I want a guarantee of testing "the products of conception" if I miscarry.  Maybe I am wrong but I want to know.  I have no idea if knowing will give any sort of peace.  Second I also want a guarantee of a D&C ......I will not go months again waiting for a miscarriage to be over.  I am considering Clomid......I know it is for women with difficulty conceiving which is not my case but I figure if my egg quality is the issue maybe stimulate me to produce more than one and hopefully one is good.  Do I sound desparate?   It is obvious that this desire for a second child is a bit of obsession?  At the same time, I am starting to experience moments where I am ok with letting it be.