I apologize in advance for this negative entry. I'm in a pissy mood and I just have to work through it. Let's try to put this into perspective. I've been covering for a colleague at work in addition to my regular workload so I am tired. And I got my period today. And it is days from the anniversary of losing my last baby. So another colleague who is just two years younger than me tell me today that she is having a baby. She's almost three months along. I am truly happy for her. It is her second child. She will have this second child exactly two years after her first. Everything is going exactly as they planned and that's wonderful. But inside me sometimes.....it's like a punch in the stomach or a great big sign thrust in my face. YOU ARE NOT PREGNANT. YOU CAN'T CARRY A BABY TO TERM. YOU CAN'T HAVE A SECOND CHILD. It's like a whack in the face reminding me of what I lost and what I can't seem to have. Sorry. I suppose I'm being unreasonable, selfish etc.... It just doesn't get any easier. For now anyway. So I'm having one of those weepy evenings. I've burst out in tears a few times. I guess I'm allowed to cry once in a while.
Replies
yeah, it\'s good for you i think.
i recently shared with my mom that i believe one of my worst problems with the mc\'s is that deep down i feel i\'m flawed and at fault. of course she said it\'s ridiculous etc., but i believe that\'s an issue for all of us to some extent. am i broken, or what???? that is the root then of anger, guilt, frustration, depression, etc. i don\'t know how to let this go and truly believe that it\'s either random or it\'s medical, but it\'s not our fault. i am thinking of you. how\'s your sweet little girl?
Longing, I don\'t blame you. Hugs and prayers! It\'s not easy living through multiple miscarriages and wanting a baby every second you breathe. It\'s tough to witness someone get pregnant and stay pregnant.
hugggs and wishing you better days ahead...love lendy
You are allowed to cry and understandably so that you would feel triggered by your colleagues news. I get triggered ALL the time by other peoples second children - new pregnancies, bump sightings or even just two siblings together, I think it\'s a very normal aspect of SIF. So vent and cry when you need too - it\'s very natural given your circumstances.