I still exist DS friends. I am reading your postings and responding here and there. I'll admit that it does sometimes feel as if I am stuck.... everyone seems to have gone on to "action" whether it be a pregnancy (I AM HAPPY FOR YOU GUYS) or actively TTC. Like I said... I'm stuck. I do not know what to do.I haven't heard anything back from our last blood test. I alternate between being resigned to no more children and desparately wanting to try again. Sometimes I think its a mind game.... maybe if I decide no more, it will happen. Maybe if I didn't get so emotionally attached the minute I know I'm pregnant, it will work. Crazy thinking I know. I wonder if I should try to "recreate" the circumstances of my first and only successful pregnancy. I am toying with briefly going back on the pill, stopping all the pregnancy vitamins and folic acid and then seeing what happens. I was off the pill two weeks when I first conceived. We hadn't started any vitamins or anything because we were sure it would take awhile. We were excited but also subdued.... we didn't tell anyone until we were past the three month mark.Yes..... I feel like I'm some sort of limbo. We are participating in a candle lighting service next week to remember our lost little babes. I have the opportunity to say a few words if I like but I will probably be a crying mess. Even though I do not know the sex of my lost babies, I had "gut" feelings. As I have absolutely nothing to remember them by, it was suggested that I name them and we have named all four. So I might try to say each of their names as I light a candle for each one. I am still quite teary when I talk about the miscarriages... it depends on the day. I do feel it is important that we partake in this cermony - I want to remember these babies, honour them, somehow let them know how loved and wanted they were. Part of what makes miscarriage so awful is you suffer your grief in silence. Okay... enough wallowing. I am enjoying my sweet angel. We saw a Santa Claus parade last night. She is so full of wonder and excitement. I realize her presence in my life is a great blessing.
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Longing, I am praying for you and your family. I hope you become unstuck soon. I think of you often. Sometimes, I don\'t know what to say. Sending you big hugs! You\'re an awesome mother and you deserve another healthy beautiful baby! Please know I am here. Together, none of us suffer in silence.
longing, i wondered if we should try the exact same thing, start up the pill for a while and perhaps even go back to full time work at the clinic, just to \'set the scene\' for a successful pregnancy. there is a lot of magical thinking in this for me, and i haven\'t resolved for myself whether there is anything to it or nothing at all. best wishes for a wonderful holiday season, just in case you get so busy with preparations that you don\'t have much time for ds. i hope the lighting ceremony goes well for you.
I think the ceremony is a great thing to do . I lost four babies myself and i just can never forget them , i plant flowrs in the spring for them. I never knew if they were boys for girls but i have thought of nameing them anyway , i saw one in a n ultrasound when they say that the babies heart had stopped beating. i feel your pain , these losses do make me love and appreciate my two beutiful children that i have i know wht you mean. lv and huggggs lendy