I've been checking in regularly but haven't felt up to posting a journal.  I figure I didn't need to whine on-line.  I've been rather down this month - thinking too much I guess.  I made it through my "due date" .  I keep wishing things had worked out differently and imagine what would have been.  It's just been a rough month.... one of my good friends, who by the way turned 40 on October 7, had a beautiful baby boy on October 16.    My miscarriages are all unexplained.  The only explanation she entertains is my age.....50 - 60 % of all pregnancies will miscarry after 40.  I was looking forward to my visit with this other doctor who runs a program investigating recurrent miscarriage.  However they called at 2 p.m on Friday to cancel my Monday appointment.  This is the one I've been waiting for for two months.  I was so disappointed.  They will call me tomorrow with a new date.  So once again I feel like I'm swimming by myself upstream.....it's not an urgent problem to anyone but me. I turn 41 this week.  Time is running out.  I keep wondering if all these roadblocks I keep encountering are some kind of sign that I shouldn't try anymore.