A bad couple of days.... my little girl awoke with quite a temperature yesterday.  I didn't think much of it at first but it persisted all day.  She didn't want to eat or drink anything.  She said her tummy hurt but  she didn't throw up or diareaha.  By evening I was concerned.  She seemed to breathing shallow.  We decided to wait 24 hours before taking her in.  Of course I'm worrying like crazy..... what if.  I was up most of the night with her last night.  I began to suspect she was reacting to the Motrin ... usually we give her Tylenol but we were out of it.  Thankfully she was better this morning and wanted to eat.  She was still running a fever of 102 at supper time.  I got some Tylenol and after that she actually wanted to play.  So thankfully she is on the mend.  It was just bad timing.  We were supposed to go to a butterfly release and picnic today put on by the perinatal bereavement group.  I was looking forward to it.  We ordered four butterflies in memory of our four lost babies.  My husband encouranged me to go but understandably didn't want to Ang out.  It is like a 200km drive for us to attend this event.  I just didn't want to go alone and of course I was worried about my daughter.  I started beating myself up with negative self talk.... here you are with a beautiful little girl who is sick and needs her mother and you spend time and obsess over children who are dead.  Then I think how sad that I wasn't there to release those butterflies to remember my children.  Silly I know.  I guess what you expect when you only get a couple hours of sleep.  So my family had to put up with a few crying jags this morning.Wait... it gets better.  This miscarriage that started April 4 when I found out our baby no longer had a heartbeat, continues to this day June 10th.  This morning I had a gush of blood.  There was tissue or clots.  It wasn't a lot so I thought maybe I've started a regular period.  It was normal all day until this evening I was out watering flowers after supper this evening and felt that "gush" that is getting all to familar.   For the past few hours I've been bleeding heavily and passing large "pieces"  ... I suspect it's a combination of clots and tissue.  If this is the tissue piece they pointed out to me on the ultrasound, it is a lot more than I was led to believe.  I said "wow..I can't believe it"  when I saw the ultrasound on Wednesday and the technician reminded it was a magnified picture.  I can't believe I have anything left in my uterus.  I have never bled so much and for so long.  I'm hoping it will slow down and I will be able to get some sleep.  So I keeping myself awake for awhile even though I'm exhausted.  I'm not in any pain just worried about the level of bleeding that just started out of nowhere.  It is like it was on April 22. Of course I have one of those work days tomorrow where I absolutely have to be there.  When is this going to be over?