Last Night

Last night was not that bad I spend time with both of my sons and enjoy each moment. There were a few things that were said by him that hurt my feels . I lack at being a mother and some orther stuff but I make my self ignore all the words as if he was not there . I tend to do that alot. We were sitting out side together and he had nothing to say to me it made me feel so alone like Im going thru all this stuff by myself. (Paying all the bills) . Things will get better because each day  I become stronger and one day I will have the strenght to leave and this morning just pushed me more towards that. You see this morning I went to start my car up 5 minutes before I left for work  and had a smoke then went back in the house and he said what I was doing and I told him what I did and he went off for me starting my car up in 70 degree weather . He felt I shouldnt have started up and he went on to say some awful words to me so I got up kissed my youngest good bye (he was up ) and left for work and I just lost it and kept asking my self why and thought you can leave him you dont deserve this. So lady and gentlemen my night was better then this morning