I guess acceptance is the name of the game here.   I ended up in the hospital 2x last week, once because  I was running a fever and really had bad upper abdominal pain (again!) The did an ultrasounds, took blood, etc and it turns out  I may have a stomach ulcer.  I also had a UTI.  Antibiotics were rough on the system, and ended up in the hospital again with dehydration.   They  infused me with saline and gave me some  stonger anti-nause meds.  (I was dry heaving this pt)  The upshot is I had a follow up with the dr. and they are delaying treatment 7  until the end of this month.  My WBCs aren't doing too good, I guess.   I will hear what the onc. thinks when I show up late this month for bloodwork and hopefully my #7 infusion.  I have an appt w/the gastroenterologist in Oct. for a scope.  Yay.  Prior to this, I have never had a bad  reaction to meds. (other than a penicillin allergy, but those are common)   Sometimes I think I'm losing my mind.  Everyone I know keeps telling me to stay positive, it  will help, and I am usually positive but these symptoms just keep getting worse.  I am beginning to lose faith in the total mind body connection  thing  --- I don't really think I can control my physical reactions to the chemo.  I DO know that this could be much worse, and I am a grateful for my situation, but I am just so darn tired. It feels good to just vent all this out..... I feel like I am on track to setting a record for the person taking  longest to complete a FOLFOX course.