9 things you teach your kids when you spank them
9 things you teach your kids when you spank them -- it also gives the victim of physical abuse brain damage, even when the victim is NOT hit in the head:
1. The stronger person gets to decide whats right.
When you use physical punishment to show a child he/she did something wrong, you are sending the unintended message that whomever is bigger and stronger decides whats right and whats wrong. That bullying is a "good" thing.
Does this mean your child can determine whats right when he or she becomes stronger than you? Could this contribute to why elder abuse is so prevalent?
2. Bigger people are supposed to hit smaller people.
Youre sending the message that older, bigger people have the right to hit younger, smaller people and that bullying is a "good" thing. This is especially damaging when youre disciplining a child for hitting someone.
What do you think will happen when your child grows to be bigger than you?
3. Violence solves problems.
Spanking also shows children that violence is an appropriate way to solve lifes problems and that bullying is a "good" thing. If I dont like what you do, then Im going to hit you.
Physically punishing your child is a form of bullying, sending the message to your child that bullying is "good" and effective way to get others to do things your way.
4. Something is wrong with them.
When children are hit by the very people who are supposed toPROTECTthem, it causes a child to question, Whats wrong with me?
Self-esteem is a critically important and fragile thing. If you want your child to succeed in life, the level of his or her self-esteem will be a major determining factor.
5. Youre OK with damaging them emotionally and cognitively.
According tothis study they found that corporal punishmentCAUSES COGNITIVE IMPAIRMENT AND LONG-TERM DEVELOPMENTAL DIFFICULTIESwere you hoping to do permanent long term damage when you did this? Maybe you were. Maybe that was your plan all along. Maybe you are a pathetic excuse for a living thing and shouldn't be around other living things at all.
When spanking your child, was your intention to create long-term developmental problems? Are you a psychopath? Only you know the answer to these questions.
6. They cant trust you.
Do you remember being hit as a child? Do you ever remember thinking afterward, Im so thankful my parent loves me enough to hit me? OfCOURSEyou didnt! You were probably thinking, I hate you or some version of an anti-relationship building comment.
Spanking ends all foundation of trust between you and your child. Your child trusts youto always have his or her best interest in mind. Spanking ends that trust.
7. The victim is left with PTSD just like a POW. They become so afraid that parts of their brain actually shuts down -- total amnesia or selective amnesia -- the brain does this on reflex to protect the victim, so the victim canCONTINUEliving seemingly "normally." Living with amnesia or PTSD or both, is far from normal.
The work ofDr. Bruce Liptonhas shown us that it is biologically impossible toLEARNand implement higher-order thinking when living in fear.
Spanking actually makes kids perform worse in school. The fear response triggers the fight or flight instinct and adrenaline and cortisol flood our bloodstream and brains. Our blood is diverted to our extremities and higher order frontal lobe thinking is basically shut down in favor of more reflexive responses, originated from our instinctual brain stem area.
If you want your child to learn something, its critical to reduce fear rather than increase it. Motivation and confidence BUILDING is what you are supposed to be doing - not knocking them down and/or sabotaging them. Are you a parent or are you the enemy? If you are sabotaging then you are the enemy.
8. To lose respect for you.
I have always said, relationship is the root of all influence. When you think of those people you listen to, trust and seek out for advice, its those people who support and encourage you, not generally those who smack you down, either literally or physically.
Do you want to have influence with your child? Then you might want to stop hitting him or her, even if its for his own good. You are supposed to be the child's ally; are you?
9. Its better to lie and manipulate in order to avoid physical punishment.
When you think about punishment, it generally does not deter behavior unless the punisher is present. Most people do what they want to do, unless the risk of detection is high.
Punishment teaches children to avoid detection by avoiding his or her parents.
1. The stronger person gets to decide whats right.
When you use physical punishment to show a child he/she did something wrong, you are sending the unintended message that whomever is bigger and stronger decides whats right and whats wrong. That bullying is a "good" thing.
Does this mean your child can determine whats right when he or she becomes stronger than you? Could this contribute to why elder abuse is so prevalent?
2. Bigger people are supposed to hit smaller people.
Youre sending the message that older, bigger people have the right to hit younger, smaller people and that bullying is a "good" thing. This is especially damaging when youre disciplining a child for hitting someone.
What do you think will happen when your child grows to be bigger than you?
3. Violence solves problems.
Spanking also shows children that violence is an appropriate way to solve lifes problems and that bullying is a "good" thing. If I dont like what you do, then Im going to hit you.
Physically punishing your child is a form of bullying, sending the message to your child that bullying is "good" and effective way to get others to do things your way.
4. Something is wrong with them.
When children are hit by the very people who are supposed toPROTECTthem, it causes a child to question, Whats wrong with me?
Self-esteem is a critically important and fragile thing. If you want your child to succeed in life, the level of his or her self-esteem will be a major determining factor.
5. Youre OK with damaging them emotionally and cognitively.
According tothis study they found that corporal punishmentCAUSES COGNITIVE IMPAIRMENT AND LONG-TERM DEVELOPMENTAL DIFFICULTIESwere you hoping to do permanent long term damage when you did this? Maybe you were. Maybe that was your plan all along. Maybe you are a pathetic excuse for a living thing and shouldn't be around other living things at all.
When spanking your child, was your intention to create long-term developmental problems? Are you a psychopath? Only you know the answer to these questions.
6. They cant trust you.
Do you remember being hit as a child? Do you ever remember thinking afterward, Im so thankful my parent loves me enough to hit me? OfCOURSEyou didnt! You were probably thinking, I hate you or some version of an anti-relationship building comment.
Spanking ends all foundation of trust between you and your child. Your child trusts youto always have his or her best interest in mind. Spanking ends that trust.
7. The victim is left with PTSD just like a POW. They become so afraid that parts of their brain actually shuts down -- total amnesia or selective amnesia -- the brain does this on reflex to protect the victim, so the victim canCONTINUEliving seemingly "normally." Living with amnesia or PTSD or both, is far from normal.
The work ofDr. Bruce Liptonhas shown us that it is biologically impossible toLEARNand implement higher-order thinking when living in fear.
Spanking actually makes kids perform worse in school. The fear response triggers the fight or flight instinct and adrenaline and cortisol flood our bloodstream and brains. Our blood is diverted to our extremities and higher order frontal lobe thinking is basically shut down in favor of more reflexive responses, originated from our instinctual brain stem area.
If you want your child to learn something, its critical to reduce fear rather than increase it. Motivation and confidence BUILDING is what you are supposed to be doing - not knocking them down and/or sabotaging them. Are you a parent or are you the enemy? If you are sabotaging then you are the enemy.
8. To lose respect for you.
I have always said, relationship is the root of all influence. When you think of those people you listen to, trust and seek out for advice, its those people who support and encourage you, not generally those who smack you down, either literally or physically.
Do you want to have influence with your child? Then you might want to stop hitting him or her, even if its for his own good. You are supposed to be the child's ally; are you?
9. Its better to lie and manipulate in order to avoid physical punishment.
When you think about punishment, it generally does not deter behavior unless the punisher is present. Most people do what they want to do, unless the risk of detection is high.
Punishment teaches children to avoid detection by avoiding his or her parents.
Replies
Great article, 38! And true.