9 months sober

I am coming up on being 9 months sober.  I enjoy helping people on this forum.  One of the things that has helped me immensely about my program is the freedom to be honest.  I can now be honest with my spouse.  This isn't only important with the fun stuff, such as being a sponsor, or helping others, or making progress myself.  No, this is also important when I struggle.  I was struggling with masturbation.  Not much, like when I was in addict phase, but just a bit.  I just could not let go of the kite string, so to speak.  So I told her about it.  She is very self conscious about the way she looks, and suffers from depression too.  She and I took a shower together this morning.  It wasn't sexual, it was necessary.  She's had medical problems with dizziness, hip surgeries within the last 6 months, and really did just need me there.  I should not feel guilty about my naked wife, either in the shower, or lying in bed as I help her to get dressed in the morning, turning me on.  So I am in the shower with my naked wife, and she causes me to have a massive erection that doesn't subside for awhile.  She gets frustrated because she thinks I just want sex all the time.  I really cannot bring myself to apologize for anything, because she's my wife. It's her job, it's what she does.  She turns me on.  When my wife is naked, I respond sexually to that because I am attracted to her.  Do I really need to apologize for that???  That's not to say that I force sex on her.  She feels that I am being hypersexual.  Maybe a part of this is that I am not masturbating much at all anymore.  Now, I only masturbate twice or so a week, and then only if she's physically incapable of having sex due to health issues, which she informs me about.  I wish she would feel more pretty to herself.  I wish she would understand that she turns me on.  I wish she could accept that I want to have sex with her, because she's beautiful and I love her.  Not because of porn, and not because of looking at someone else.  In fact, when she was having surgeries and in the hospital, you know who I would close my eyes and fantasize about as I was masturbating and envisioning sexual scenarios?  My wife.  Honest to God.  A part of me still wishes that I would not respond sexually to my wife being naked, or just simply lying there next to me.  But I cannot help it.  This is who I am.  My sponsor once explained to me the difference between something that is acceptable sexually, vs something that is unacceptable.  If I or my partner feel angry or guilty, shamed or embarrassed following something sexual that occurs with either of us, then we probably shouldn't have done that.  If either of us engage in sex, masturbation, whatever, and both parties do not feel shame, embarrassment, guilt, or anger, then there is nothing wrong with that.  I am not trying to justify my remaining masturbation that occurs when she is incapable of sex.  I am just trying to understand myself better and hoping for insight from those of you who read this.  Am I off base here?