9 months ago....
Nine months ago I walked out the back door of my house and locked it for the very last time. I have never looked back. I have not even laid eyes on my ex since he left for work that evening. I have no regrets. I know I did the right thing. I finally have come to realize that I deserved none of the abuse that I endured for 20+ years. I am worth more then that and I am not a fat, ugly, stupid bitch that nobody likes. I am so much more then that. I am me and I am proud of that. I have made it on my own. Everything I have bought, everything I have accomplished, everything I have done in the past 9 months I have done it on my own. I have been blessed with such wonderful family and friends who have been so emotionally supportive. I struggled for years with leaving. I was so scared to be alone the rest of my life but today I can honestly say if I never met another man I could go through life happily being by myself. I am finally happy with me and where I am in my life. I enjoy doing my own thing, spending time with my family without having anybody to answer to. I can come home put my feet up on my couch and watch whatever I want to watch on my TV. I can talk on the phone when I want, I can go to the mall when I want, I can eat what I want when I want. I have nobody calling me names, spitting on me, pushing me around. I can look in the mirror and smile. I can hold my head up high and walk tall knowing I am finally me again. I no longer cry myself to sleep every night. Sure I have my bad days every now and then but I have learned to pick myself back up and move on. Nobody can keep me down. Nobody can hold me back from living my life and accomplishing my dreams. I am responsible for my own life. I could never go back to living the way that I did for so long. I have grown so much in the past nine months. I will never allow another person to treat me that way ever again. I may have lived in fear for the past 20+ years but from the moment I walked out that door that day things have been so different. I may not have all the material things I once had but I have my life and that is worth so much more!! Life is so good...I am thankful for every moment I have! It makes me really proud to say that because it wasn't all that long ago that I thought that my only way out of it all was to end my life. Thank you to all my friends on here who have been so supportive. To the ones who are still struggling, who are scared to make that move, who don't believe they can do it...you are worth it...you deserve so much better...never stop believing in yourself and never ever ever give up!!
Replies
Pat yourself on the back girlfriend.....It\'s inspiring to know you!
I am so happy that you feel like this. You do deserve to feel good about who you are. I made the mistake of investing to much of myself into someone else.
That wouldn\'t have been so bad but it was for someone that didn\'t deserve it.
Isn\' that the always the way. It seems like we let the worst people have the most control over us, They are good at it. They need to make others feel bad so they can feel good, how sad they are. We have so much more of the good things in life then this people ever will. YOU GO GIRL!!!
Such an inspiring post! I am so happy for you and that you feel great about who you are. I feel so fortunate to know such a strong woman!
Wow, reading this made me think of me. It gave me chills. I am glad that you had the courage!!! You didnt deserve that, and neither did I.....
Hugs
I have seen a lot of growth since you have been on DS. I am proud of you for facing a challenge and overcoming it!
well, except for the spitting, that 2nd paragraph is right on!
excellent journal!
Thank you so much for putting it all into words. And I, too, love the second paragraph. It is sooo true.
We all have bad days and we\'re all a little scared but, bottom line, it IS better and that\'s a very good thing.
You are beautiful, strong, and a true inspiration! Thank you!