9/21- wedge

I got myself a new wedge yesterday, hoping it was tall enough to keep any stomach acid away from my hernia on the day I skip my proton pump inhibitor. This one has an inch of memory foam. totally worth the forty dollars. I was so tired I went to sleep at 8:30. Until I woke up at 12:30, probably roused by some sound. screw that thing im gonna have it on silent every time I go to sleep. Anyway I was comfrotable for amoment, then the twinges started. I told myslef to ignore it and try to go to sleep. repositioned and laid ther for 45 minutes, until I gave in. Some food would neutralize the stomach acid, some tasty anti-inflammatory cumin mozzarella cauliflower. it was a fullserving size for me, and I should have stopped eating there but I didnt. By that time I had turned on a movie. How stupid can I be, knowing that mindless behavior would lead me to fall. I've read books, but I apparantly need to go do some more homework because I failed the test. I had stale crackers, thinking the carbs would satisfy my sweet tooth. Bullshit. I had a coconut bar. then half a bag of cheese puffs. then a sweet almond bar. Fucking Up. Failing my slow eating aspirations. I chugged a glass of water, which I never do throughout the day. What is it about being alone?  what makes me think I can be such a a peice of shit without consequences? But thats just it, I wasn't thinking. because I havent been able to sleep for a year. The water was refreshing, but I winced, feeling a twinge as I stressed my injured body with the weight and volume of 8oz of water. God I hate this. I try so hard but It beats me every time. I finished the movie, brushed and flossed, remembering I had forgotten to call the psychiatrist to schedule an appointment. I need help. This bullshit has to end. My brain is fucking broken.