9/20- Vicious cycle

I have developed binge eating disorder. I always restricted my diet since I was 15 years old, because I was pretty darn chubby. I lost my extra weight, but I was careless with my newfound health. I learned how to work out, and cook healthy food, but I never broke the sugar addiction, and the cravings  have gotten worse, so much worse. I overeat every other day. sometimes two days in a row. The binge eating started 3 years ago. 5 years. im 26, my youth is almost over. Everything went so bad so quickly. painful costrochodritis when I was 21, a pressure on my chest, trouble breathing, sleeping, caused me to seek help, got anti-inflammatories, muscle relaxants, amytryptalene that made me stupid, and all the newest crap that was being pushed. I eventually got this nerve sedative called gabapentin. Took it for a year. worked late nights. ate as healthy as I could. This included a lot of ginger and garlic, tomatoes, which helped with the pressure on my chest, but I started having more and more pain, researched the pill again, and saw that gabapentin is linked to GERD and Hiatal Hernias. Went to the GI Doc and it was confirmed. Severe inflammation but no h pylori. its been two years and I havent been able to heal. PPI's and ranitidine ever since. restrictive alkaline diet, stress and breaking. I cant fight it alone anymore. Im on the verge of a stroke with all these bodyclogging pills! I have been in pain for so long and I have lost more opportunities in every facet of life than I can count, and I have never. been. lower. So I called doctors today. Even had a nice date with a girl with a nice booty and got lucky. then I was tired. and I just had to fucking eat. because my doctor said I had to every 3 or four hours. even though im not hungry and that bullshit has justified so many late night binges. if im not hungry, im not going to eat anymore when Im not hungry. and now Im in pain, pushing myself. my poor insulin-rattled brain cant even keep everything I know in the same place long enough to stop myself from commiting this atrocity on myslef and those around me, I am a broken man.  Even on the psuedo-good days, I cant seem to find the presence of mind to stay disciplined when I know I am dying. The undigested carbs are fuel more the cancerous organisms taking over my body. The worst part is I KNOW HOW TO HEAL! but I am always so tired.. I am so fucking done. I want to quit my shitty retail job and doing nothing but healing. does anyone have any books they would reccomend or something?!, anything?! A tip, an insult a fresh perspective! please...im going to sleep