depressed

Last week I found out I have heart disease, and a bad heart valve. They also tested me for cancer, blood cancer, but I do not have that but I do have diabetes and thyroid disease. I go to the doctor again tomorrow for more testing, and then I go to the hospital on Thursday for testing on my heart. I feel so depressed. Until I found out I didn't have cancer I stuck very closely near my ex-husband for comfort, but he seemed to be bothered by it. and then he started being nasty, and making comments that made me feel uncomfortable so I broke away from that. but I feel so alone and scared and upset. I have been sick a lot this year, and I took some time to go to dr appointments while at a new job, and they give me shit for it and have been making my life a living hell because I've been sick. Now that I have to have more appointments, and in the future I may even have to have surgery depending on how bad this heart valve is, I think they are no longer unsympathetic. But I feel horrible being here dealing with my bosses because they have been so awful to me here. I have taken the week off from my night job to rest because my blood pressure is up, and I am so tired. I have horrible fatigue and dizziness. I just flat out don't feel good, and I'm so depressed as a result.
 
I wish my ex-husband would be good to me. I need somebody. My ex boyfriend turned out to be a nightmare, and I just have my friends, but I don't yearn for them like I yearn for family. I miss my parents. I miss my kids. I miss the feeling of security I use to have. I have no security now. Not even the security of having good health.
 
sometimes I wish God would take me, and just let me pass away. I just feel like I have nothing to live for.
 
I'm so depressed and have such bad fatique that I take breaks during my dayjob to rest, but sometimes I feel like I just can't even hold my head up.
 
My blood pressure went down from the 160s and 170s over /100 or so to 150/102 today, so I would think I would feel better, but I do not. I just have to hold on until tomorrow when I go back to the doctor. maybe he can prescribe some medicine to give me energy and lower my blood sugar. I know high blood sugar causes fatique as well, so maybe they can help me until I get my heart disease under control. I have horrible dizzy spells, and I just have to lay down, and let the dizziness wash over me. I feel like I get worse a little bit every day.
 
I have horrible bruises all over my body and I look terrible. I feel terrible. I do in fact, want to die.  I have no family anymore. I just have nothing.