I am at work thinking how I am now different from everyone.  There is no one but you wonderful ladies who know how I feel and what my life is like.  I am in a different, separate group.  No one will ever understand no matter how hard they try. Everyone here gets to go home to their living children.  I am coming up on nine months and thought I was doing better.  I think I am in for a hard time this winter.  I hate this new life.