Bad Day
I am not doing good today. 13 weeks ago I found out my son was not going to be making me laugh and smile, this little guy would not be joining us and fulfilling our lives. My appt was at 1pm so 13wks less one hour ago, I was probably in the waiting room. Naively waiting for my ultrasound, not knowing anything could go wrong when you are 39 weeks and 6 days pregnant. That was the last moments of peace in my life, in that waiting room. I yearn for my life before this happened. Life must have been so great, there was no dead baby. Yet it's hard for me to remember who I was for those whole 33 years. I don't remember what it's like to be totally happy and I never will experience it again until hopefully I meet my son in heaven. I'm feeling sorry for myself and why did this have to happen. Then I feel guilty because others have it much worse. I've got a great husband and family. I just want my son back. I feel like falling apart, falling to the ground and begging God for him back. I was so close. I could have had him a few days early, I could have asked for a csection at 39 weeks. My baby would be here and I would not know this terrible pain. But this happened and I don't know why. My pregnancy was very easy, no complications. Since we waited 3.5 years and did ivf I thought nothing else could go wrong, we already were through infertility. Most people have sex and get a baby 9 mos later. Not me, everything has to be extra hard for me. Something swooped in and took my son at the last possible moment. Like you can only have him for 9 mos, but you can't actually raise him. My heart is with my James in heaven. Thanks for listening, I love all of you that get me through these bad times.
Replies
My heart is aching for you right now. I know the pain of waiting to get pregnant and I also know the pain of losing a full term baby. I am so sorry. All I can say is, feel, cry, get it out. It seems like when a have a breakdown, I start to feel a little tiny bit better after. Big hugs to you,Alysia
Gosh...your words truly speak to me right now! I really feel the exact same way. Tomorrow will be 3 months for me, and 13 weeks on Friday. And I have just hit a downward spiral again in this past week. But, I have to believe that even though all of our happiness has faded, we will be happy again. We will see the joy in life again and be happy. I am so sorry you are going thru this pain too, it just really sucks. I continue to ask the same questions, \'How could this happen to me??\' Some days I just still cant believe it. I am sorry, I wish I have more inspiring words for you, but I am stuck in the same boat. I just want you to know, that you are not alone.
Big hugs, Mandy
My heart aches for you. I can feel the pain you are feeling as I read your words. I wish that this never happened to you ... to any of us. Some days I feel the same way as you do today. Be gentle with yourself, there are better days ahead.
I am on that same page with you right now. Last night, I was talking with my lil man and I was apologizing to him, that I should have demanded to be induced or I should have faked something and gotten him out and he would be here with me right now. I didnt know something could go wrong with going past your due date, I just thought I would have a huge baby. I am so sorry you are feeling this horrible pain!! There will be a day that happiness will surround you once again. In the meantime we are all here for you. BIG HUGS!! Take a day to yourself and maybe go get a pedicure or a massage or something. xoxo Andrea
You said exactly how I feel. I am so sorry for your loss. These days are so hard to bare! But just knowing that someone cares sometimes helps. I wish everyday for my son back. I would give anything to hold him in my arms. I have horrible days too. It\'s normal. Just know that I care. If we hang in there together, we will get through this together. Sending you a hug.
Im so sorry I wish I could reach through the computer and give you a hug. I had a bad day too, some one at work thought I was out on maternity leav and asked how my baby was. I explained we lost her then burst into tears. Hang in there Im thinking of you.
Annaya was nestled close to my heart for 37 weeks when I went in for a routine appt and found out she had died probably on my way to the appt. That was almost 7 months ago and at times it feels like yesterday. It does get better, the pain is not as new today as it was yesterday and eventually as most pains do... it will dull (at least that is what I was told).
Know that you are not alone...
Hugs, Love & Rainbows!!!
N.
Thank you so much everyone
I am so sorry that you have lost your little Angel! I know he was wanted and loved very much! Our stories are similar in many ways. I didn\'t think I could get pregnant, and at 39, had already accepted that I wouldn\'t have children. I was seeing someone for 9 months when I found out I was about 5 weeks pregnant. I was stunned. Imani was my little miracle baby. It took several months to sink in that it was really happening, but I was so happy even though I was going to be doing it all alone as a single mom. In fact, I\'ve never been so happy. My biggest dream in life was finally going to happen. Then she was taken from me on January 23, 2011. I will never forget that day - the most horrible and joyful one in my life. Horrible that my sweet little baby was dead. Joyful that I finally got to see her face, hold her, and am her mommy for life. I miss her so much. I cry every day, lately more often. My life is so painful without her I can barely function. Last night, I realized that she would not like to see her mommy so sad and depressed all the time so I\'m trying to make an effort to put my life back together and find some happiness once again. I hope you have more days that become better soon.