Wow. So. I didn't think I was this depressed. And maybe I wasn't. Until I came home. I laid in the tub tonight and thought, "Wow I don't want to live anymore." It's odd this time because it is not me thinking. It is like this inner voice speaking. These last few days this inner voice has just been saying "I'm depressed, I'm depressed. I'm so depressed." But the "I don't want to live anymore" voice is new. Not to worry, I'm not suicidal. Actually, probably more out of duty than anything; I have people counting on me. But I'm struggling. I'm struggling.
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I had the voice after I gave birth to my second son. I struggled with depression before, but it was very bad after his birth and couple of times I had suicidal thoughts. I was also in the tub and thought \"All you have to do is drop the hairdryer in and it would all be over\" and another time I was riding home in the car with my husband 4 year old and newborn and just thought about opening the car door while doing 85 on the highway and just falling out (making sure that there was a car behind me to hit me)...it was never something I actually seriously considered doing, but the thought was there. That thought was enough for me to seek help which I found in effexor XR. I can say it has changed my life. I am back to being a happy person (of course I have my days-who doesnt). I would take those voices seriously. Either seek counseling or medicinal help, something. YOU deserve to feel better no matter what. You will be in my prayers.