I've had an awakening. I'm not sure what it's all about yet, but it's here, budding and new and full of light. Several things have come together to tell me that I can't manage this marriage for 3 more years. I've been so afraid to tell him the truth--to tell him this relationship is killing me. Why? Fear of not putting my children first, I guess. But if he is mature about it, he too will realize that what is most important is his son and doing what's best and right for him. I don't know if he'll be mature enough to see this, not right away anyway, but eventually he should, I hope. In any case, I can't give my children the best when I am consumed with unhappiness in my marriage. All of my posts on here are about my husband; none are about my disabled son. How can I focus on his needs when I am soooo miserable? I can't. I am feeling light and energized. Will I do anything this second? No, but I don't need to. Knowledge is enough. Knowledge that I will stop hiding from the truth is a bright light in my future. I don't know where the future will lead, but I know and feel I have turned the corner. I am sure stress and anxiety will intersperse with elation and freedom. Life is not easy. But at least I am not in self-denial anymore. Wish me luck.