My husband is very depressed about my son. His diagnosis was almost a year ago. I have no sympathy for him. Perhaps I am a bad person for that, but after my son's diagnosis I went through a mini-depression. My husband told me that my "behavior" and "depression" was unacceptable. He told me I was incompetent and a bad mother, among many other hurtful things. I was so furioius that I snapped out of the depression. I wasn't "allowed" to be depressed or to grieve. I realize now that my husband needed and depended upon me to be the strong one and to hold the family together as that has always been my role (though I didn't realize it before this). I am still so angry and resentful of this, though, that I have no patience for his unending depression when he would not even give me two weeks. I also think that his grief is more selfish than anything else which I have even less patience for. I'm sick of him feeling sorry for himself. Get over it and help me with our son. He'd rather just lose himself in alcohol and lament the fact that our son is not bonded to him instead of working to change that. Had he treated me better I am sure I would feel differently, but he crossed some lines and I haven't forgiven him.
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People due selfishing things in a time of grief. It is hard for a m an\'s ego to admit that he needs anyone, especially his wife. He is the one that is supposed to be the foundation. KNow he feels inadequate and when men feel inadequate they take it out on the people they love the most. Deep down he feels that your son\'s ailment is all his fault. Don\'t be mad at him for his fecicious behaviors. They are quite typical. I can tell right know that he loves you and he\'s taking this hard. Hence the alcohol. You need to do him the biggest favor you could ever do for him... Kick him square in the ass. Do not challenge his man hood this will only backfire on you. Go to him and cry tell him you need him, make him feel like the \"man again\". So him without harse words or threats that your family needs him to step up to the plate. I gaurantee you this will change his whole outlook on this situation. Make everything designed around the family. Make sure everything you do is pertaining to your two kids and your husband. Hold him to the same standard aswell. Lose your anger and your pitty and kick yourself in the butt. The real problem is this. Your special needs kid is going to need a tremendous amount of care and attention. Your other kid WILL take a back seat to your other one. Prepare your other kid for this. Let him take some ownership in this struggle that your fam ily is going to endure. If you don\'t include him he will resent you for it.
You may be right, Dolomite, you probably are. But I\'m not ready to \"submit\" and be the \"weak one\" to save his ego. Ugh. I feel like I\'ve given up so much of myself already to stay in this relationship, that submiting myself to this humiliation just isn\'t worth it to me. All I have left is my self-respect. Begging for his help so that he feels needed feels like I might as well just role over and die.